A City Girl In Rural Alaska

Will you find me?

2012-01-27T19:46:00.001-09:00

Things that happened this week...

My partner-in-crime and I launched our new blog...

we are beyond funny.

Daily Grace is my new favorite youtube channel.
Hilarious! and be sure to watch her original review. classic.

3.
and this is happening...
Filmed in Nome Alaska (oh hai I live there.)
I'm not gonna name drop or anything but
I TOTALLY KNOW SCOTT AND IAN.

4.
The husband and I have been watching Gilmore Girls all week.
my brain has basically melted from witty dialogue overload.

Ingrid Michaelson's new record "Human Again" dropped on Tuesday.

aaaand I've been crazy obsessed with this song since.

Hey Girl

2012-01-20T08:00:00.015-09:00

Sometimes I get the theme song from New Girl stuck in my head...

but I sing my name at the end instead of Jess.

and then I pretend I'm super cute and adorkable like Zooey Deschanel for the rest of the day.

Am I the only one who does that?

Yea, I didn't think so.

everybody loves whales...

2012-01-16T13:50:00.002-09:00

False.

there are plenty of people who hate whales.

I know this because I'm president of the "nuke the whales" club.

which is precisely why they had to rename that Big Miracle movie.

sure, it was actually filmed in Alaska opposed to Canada...which like never happens,
because we all know The Fourth Kind was filmed in the least Nome-looking town ever.

it's like they weren't even trying.

Anyways.....I can never see this movie.

I can't even watch the movie trailer without becoming paralyzed with fear.

that preview pops up outta no where and I scream like I was just stabbed in the face.

I mean, they don't even ease into it.

just ...BAM! WHALE! first scene on the screen.

It's terrifying!

I would rather watch all the Saw movies with my eyes tapped open than watch a movie about whales.

I may need psychiatric help.

we're still finding feathers everywhere...

2012-01-09T07:00:00.008-09:00

Oh twilight. You've had my heart in a choke hold for almost three years, but I think I'm finally over it.
Sure, I spent a million dollars to fly to Anchorage just to watch a vampire and a human get pregnant on the first try and to see a bunch of werewolves talk like an overacted Disney cartoon, but I think I am over it.

Don't get me wrong, I was super excited to watch Breaking Dawn Part 1 while we were sitting in a theater full of teenage girls and their boyfriends who I'm sure were promised a few less-than-chaste favors in return for sitting through a movie about sparkly vampires.

It could have been the Sheet I had just taken or the pocket loaded with feathers ready to launch during a certain headboard-busting scene that made it that much more exciting. But once the sheet-talk wore off and my feather buzz was gone, I was left with an "eh." feeling. When I saw New Moon I wanted to watch it twice a day. It was beautiful and funny and heartbreaking...not so much with Breaking Dawn.

I am just so ready for this series to be over, and yet they keep dragging it on and on. Do we seriously have to wait another year to see the conclusion? Even the Harry Potter peeps knew that was a terrible idea. Why is twilight trying to kill me? And more importantly, who is totally psyched to see The Hunger Games?

At the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn we had to watch at least a hundred movie trailers.
There was one person in the audience who would yell at the screen every time a new trailer began, saying
"just show us twilight already!" until The Hunger Games preview began...and a collective squee was heard and then silence. We had seen it before on youtube, but nothing compared to seeing it on the big screen.
That countdown at the end give me chills every time.

I miss that feeling with twilight.

....oh wait, twilight never gave me that feeling.

ps...I may or may not have seen Breaking Dawn three more times when it came to Nome.

stop judging me.

everything I know about turkeys I learned from cartoons and movies

2012-01-02T12:40:00.012-09:00

this year my husband's work gave everyone a turkey for Christmas.

which in my opinion is a pretty awesome gift.

except, I've never cooked a turkey before.

I mean, I've seen people cook turkeys before, it can't be that hard.

people, deep fry them for crying out loud.

I can do this.

mistake number one: not unthawed in time for Christmas day dinner.

that's okay. I made pizza instead.

mistake number two: attempting to prepare a turkey without adult supervision.

yes, I did this on my own, not including the ridiculous phone call my mother received.

Monday morning I was bound and determined to cook that damn bird.

Dan was fast asleep, having stayed up far too late playing his new Assassin's Creed game.

I said to myself, "self, we can totally have this turkey in the oven before the man wakes up. and heck let's make sweet rolls for breakfast too."

after I made the sweet rolls, I told that turkey he was going down.

I got everything set up. the roaster, the bag, paper towels next to the sink for sufficient patting down.
I was set to go.

sure, I talk big when the turkey is still in it's nice tight packaging.

but once that bird was free of it's restraints, that's when the real battle began.

first, I am physically grossed out by raw poultry.

second, I am equally grossed out by anything still resembling it's living form.

so you can only imagine my feelings towards an uncooked turkey.

also, bones gross me out.

I should have videotaped the events that unfolded because it was gold, and I don't think I can really explain it in words.

now, I'm not completely clueless. I knew there were things that needed to be done.

first, the bag of guts needed to go. so I located it easily, pulled it out and promptly threw it away.

I didn't even look inside the bag.

why they don't just throw this stuff away in the turkey factory is beyond me.

later I found out that those guts are not only edible, but something my husband enjoys. oy vey.

the neck was next on the list. one problem, I didn't know where it was or what it looked like.
I searched each end of the turkey to no avail.

this resulted in a phone call to my mother. she never imagined receiving such a hysterical call....about a turkey.

she laughed at me. a lot.

she laughed her way through the steps of finding the neck, which some genius thought should be stuck in the tail end of this thing. the moment I saw it I gagged a little.

phone still to my ear, I grabbed a pair of tongs and ripped it from the turkey's butt.

I swear to you it's like something out of an Alien movie.

I threw it in the sink, prepared to never speak of it again.

but according to my mom, you're supposed to cook that too.

fine. I threw it in a little pan and said the man can take care of that thing later.

for fear that my phone would end up in the turkey, I told my mom goodbye and hung up.

mistake number three: as I was rinsing out the 13 pound turkey, I started to imagine what it looked like when it was alive.

that was probably the biggest mistake, because once I started I couldn't stop.

I became progressively more disgusted. the bones, the flesh, the wings, everything.

as I write this I can still smell raw turkey. it will stay with me forever.
like some sort of post traumatic stress syndrome.

I just kept telling myself, "you are a grown up, you are a grown up, you can do this."

finally I patted it dry and shoved it into the bag.

I had earlier tossed the string it came with aside, not knowing or caring what it was for. I just wanted to butter it up and get it in the oven so I could wash my hand of this weirdness and go back to reading my Mindy Kaling book.

after I got it in the oven I realized, the little pop up thermometer thingy was missing.

damn you, Butterball. like I own a meat thermometer. please, I'm barely an adult.

my biggest fear.

mistake number four: trying to carve a turkey while it's still in the aluminum roaster, may cause damage to said roaster.

seeing as I didn't use the turkey lifter string (seriously?) we and by "we" I mean Dan, tried to carve the turkey whilst it was still in the pan.

of course, I just stood there watching him and posting turkey pictures on facebook.

when suddenly I realized there were turkey juices everywhere.

Dan had cut a hole in the roaster and it was leaking. awesome.

we managed to salvage some of the broth (for what? I don't know, cause I buy pre-made gravy. obviously.)

while Dan was doing his Patriarchal duty of carving the turkey, I made the stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy.

when we finally sat down with our plates of food, we took a couple bites, looked at each other and said, "I'm not really hungry."

and that my friends, is why you don't cook an entire turkey for two people.

my first and only turkey. boom.

I've eaten enough left over turkey to last me a lifetime.

the end.

this happens more often than I'd like to admit

2011-12-29T07:00:00.004-09:00

[a real phone conversation at 11pm]
me: mom you need to change your password.

mom: why?

me: because you are spamming my facebook wall with cat pictures.

mom: you don't like them?

me: you did this? on purpose?

mom: I just learned how to share things. I thought you'd think they were funny.

me: I thought you got hacked.

remember that time I said I was going to start reviewing books...

2011-12-14T07:00:00.003-09:00

and then I totally just left you guys hanging and started up a fan blog for The Host instead?
Yeah, that happened.

...because blogging about twilight is so two years ago.

it's all about the bodysnatching aliens and love triangles now, people.

So my little Host blog is still in it's infancy, but we have big plans for it, including a book discussion.

But, before we can do a discussion, y'all need to read it.

That's where my very first book review comes in...

see what I did there?

full circle, my friends.

(goodreads.com)

The Host by Stephenie Meyer (don't judge.) is a Sci-fi novel about our world taken over by bodysnatching aliens. The book follows one particular Soul, a soul called Wanderer. She is placed in the body of Melanie Stryder one of the last humans in the resistance against the alien invaders. However, instead of being completely erased, Melanie stays in the back of her mind, tormenting Wanderer with her memories and love for her brother Jamie and her boyfriend, Jared. Plagued by these memories, Wanderer begins to long for the brother and boyfriend she has never met. Aaaaand craziness ensues.

This story has one of the most difficult love-polygons I have ever read. It's thought provoking and emotional and there are no sparkly vampires. *gasp* I know! I had a hard time reading this book in the beginning because it wasn't Twilight, but once I got into the book I fell in love with these characters and I pretty much bawled my eyes out for the last 2 or 3 chapters.

It has been dubbed science fiction for people who don't like science fiction.

Now go, my friends, and read this wonderment.

The End.

My goal in life: Not get arrested.

2011-12-10T08:00:00.005-09:00

If I never end up in jail, I win.

Every day I wake up and remind myself, "Let's not go to jail today."

And every night I come home and say, "Good job self, another day, no jail."

Then I pat myself on the back, and give myself a cookie.

I'm all about the rewards system, you should try it.

The other day my mother was talking with her hair stylist who said,
"You're kids have grown to become such wonderful adults."

I'm surprised my mom didn't laugh and say, "Are we talking about the same kids?"

Later, my younger brother assured my mom, "Hey, none of us are in jail, so obviously we're winning."

Aren't we though? It's some hard work staying out of the slammer.

I'm impressed.

City Girl's (Sort of) Alaskan Gift Guide...

2011-12-06T08:00:00.000-09:00

Living in Alaska is hard. When you live in a place where function trumps fashion, you learn to compromise.

But just because we're in the wilderness doesn't mean we have to sacrifice the luxuries in life...
except Starbucks and IMAX...I have to deal with sub-par hot chocolate and a movie screen that doesn't accentuate every mole on Rob Pattinson's body. Why is my life so hard?

Here's a list of gifts that even the most outdoorsy girl can't resist, and any city girl should not live without.

1. Furry Headphone Earmuffs from AE.com

Pretty much brilliant. Why didn't we think of it sooner?

2. New Wayfarer Sunglasses by Ray-Ban

Okay, so the sun may only be out for 4 hours a day, but when it is, I need me some shades.

3. Essential Down Duffle Parka from Eddie Bauer

It's basically a sleeping bag with arms. What's not to love?

4. Eyeliner Penultimate and False Lashes Mascara

by MAC Cosmetics

The cutie patootie boy at the MAC counter admitted that he could never live anywhere that didn't have a make-up counter, after I told him our only make-up options in Nome were at Safeway. *shudder*

5. Open Knit Neck Warmer from Forever 21

because the only thing I fit into at F21 is a scarf.

Happy Shopping!!

(disclaimer: I don't get paid to recc' this shizz. I just like it. the end.)

I'm such a good girl sometimes.

2011-11-23T07:00:00.011-09:00

During our "epic" snowpacolypse omgosh-we-are-all-gonna-die-storm my office was closed.
So I chilled at home and played on facebook and did the dishes.
That is not a typo, I washed all the dishes.
that right there is a serious miracle of miracles, people.

Dan of course had to work. Damn hospitals.

So when Dan got home we took a little drive to check out the crazy ocean waves and road damage.
Then went to the store for Cool Ranch Doritos and Red Bull, which was obviously my dinner.
I think it complimented the pumpkin pie I ate for lunch quite nicely.

As we were strolling through the supermarket Dan asked me to carry the basket.
Later as we were headed to the check out, he said, "thank you. You've been so helpful today."
and I was all, "I know, right? I did the dishes today and I'm carrying the groceries. can I have ice cream since I've been so helpful today?"
of course I didn't wait for an answer, and chose a delicious ice cream Twix bar... and dare I say it was amazeballs?! srsly, you guys. everyone talks about Snickers, but the Twix is where it's at. The end.

I'm going to need heavy sedatives for this.

2011-10-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again, where I head in for my annual try-not-to-gag-for-an-hour-while-two-people-shove-things-in-my-mouth check up.

(this could go one of two ways...)

I'm talking about the dentist, people.

I'm laying there wishing I could move my mouth enough to say, "Can we get a little suction up in here? I'm drowning!"

My face is numb for the next, I dunno, 3 days, and every time I try to eat I feel like I'm choking to death.

Did they shoot the Novocain straight into my neck? what the hell?

Every time they ask me if I have problems with any of my teeth I fear that if I mention anything they are going to try and rip them out of my face.

My wisdom teeth for example.

I seriously need those.

For like, wisdom-y things and stuff.

Also, I have this weird fear of holes in my mouth.

According to the x-rays, which I've taken the liberty of examining -using my vast knowledge of dentistry, obviously.

and I've come to the conclusion that my teeth are coming in just fine and dandy. thankyouverymuch.

No need to go pulling out perfectly good teeth.

Now, the dentist, on the other hand, thinks we should just get those pesky teeth out of there, before they become an issue.

Why are we automatically assuming there will be an issue?

Why you are making my teeth feel bad about themselves?

"Well, we can pull them, but you'll be awake the whole time."

Excuse me, what?

"We don't us IV Sedation when we pull wisdom teeth."

I need to leave now before I wake up in a bathtub of ice and my internal organs are missing.

Seriously? When did my life become a Saw movie?

apparently moms can resist the Schweddy balls...

2011-09-29T07:30:00.000-08:00

I recently saw a post about the new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor, Schweddy Balls.

of course I snort-laugh...I love that SNL skit, it's so... festive.

This group of OneMillionMoms (you can find their link in the post I linked above) want people to write to Ben & Jerry's and ask them to not release another batch of this totally offensive ice cream flavor.

If that's offensive, why is no one attacking the Karmel Sutra flavor?
...probably because that shizz is da bomb and bee-yotches be gettin' shanked if that is ever pulled from the shelves. the end.

I wish I could say I am surprised that people would be offended over something so silly, but then I remember... people are idiots.

Of course, this group of "moms" don't just protest ice cream, they also get all crazy offended about tv shows and magazine ads.

*sigh*...do they not have anything better to do?

Honestly...

If you don't like it, don't buy it.

Just like, if you don't like what's playing on TV, change the channel.

That's why God invented Parental Controls.

I hate Teen Mom and The Secret Life of an American ~~Slut~~ Teenager...

but instead of wasting my time with boycotts and petitions and all that crap, I just change the channel and watch something that is entertaining and completely inoffensive, like Chelsea Lately or How I Met Your Mother.

my milkshake

2011-09-06T21:20:00.001-08:00

[scene]
Dan brings me homemade chocolate shake that I begged him to make...

me: *singing* my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...mumble mumble...I'd teach you but I'd have to charge.

me: "Did you spike this with Nyquil?"

Dan: "Should I have?"

me: "Naw, you don't have to secretly drug me, I'll take it willingly.

Dan: ...

me: That's what she said.

Dan: ...

me: am I talking to myself here? ...I think I am.

Attention returns to milkshake and singing ...my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

...I may or may not be doped up on cold meds. just sayin.

I never read the books

2011-09-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

(source)

We finally saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II on Saturday.

It felt like an eternity waiting for our tiny movie theater to show it.

I plugged my ears and sang "la la la" anytime someone mentioned the movie.

Everyone and their dog knew how it was going to end.

because they all read the books, of course.

Even my husband read the series in the weeks leading up to it's release.

but I stood my ground.

I wanted it to be a surprise.

I was never interested in reading the books.

The movies were just fine with me.

I had an idea of how it was all going to go down.

I didn't think I would cry.

but behind those giant 3D glasses, I may have shed a tear or two.

and then I left the movie theater not feeling closure.

no, I left with a hole in my heart and a desire to read the books.

because I didn't already have a stack of books to read.

was I not just saying I hate being outside?

2011-09-03T11:46:00.000-08:00

sometimes I love saying I live in Alaska.

it's a great conversation started.

and it makes me seem way more interesting than I really am.

but really, I am boring.

when I'm not at work, I like to be at home.

I don't want to go hiking or fishing or anywhere farther than the distant between my couch and the kitchen.

and yet, somehow, I was coerced into going on a hike last Saturday.

not only was I coerced, but I was greatly deceived.

I was told, it was an easy hike and super fun.

that's like saying a root canal or pap smear is super fun.

I'm beginning to think my friends are masochists.

for those of you who live in the real world, hiking usually includes a trail.

this hike had no such trail.

and it was up hill...both ways.

I wish I was exaggerating.

oh, and did I mention it was all tundra?

tundra = uneven, spongy, rocky, unwalkable ground.

basically I spent four hours in hell.

hours and hours of walking/climbing with no end or bathroom in sight.

that is my nightmare.

I saw no animals while we were hiking.

not even a bird in the sky.

I'm assuming because they know it freakin' sucks balls out there.

after what seemed like a hundred years later we reached the waterfall.

the whole reason why we were even "hiking".

and let's just say it was less than impressive...and size really does matter.

seriously, my husband proposed to me at Snoqualmie Falls.

Dorothy Falls wishes it could be Snoqualmie Falls when it grows up.

okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh, but if that waterfall wanted me to love it, it should have made itself a little easier to find...like on the side of the road.

once we reached this wannabe-waterfall, we ~~collapsed~~ sat down while everyone ate their packed lunches.

did I mention I hardly ate or drank anything for fear that I would need to go to the bathroom?

I was pretty much the walking dead.

how I didn't lose 10 pounds on this death hike is beyond me.

somehow I managed to make the trek back to our cars, but the details are all a bit fuzzy.

I remember picking berries with Marcy on the way back.

but really it was just an excuse for me to stop and rest every few feet.

as we wandered the vast tundra, we would periodically find Dan, sitting patiently waiting for me to catch up.

I'm sure by the end he was wishing he had married a long legged hiking enthusiast.

but for me it was comforting to know he hadn't forgotten about me.

I know he was just praying that he wouldn't have to call in a search and rescue.

On the way home I told him, "I hope you are proud of me, cause you will never ever EVER see that again."

There pictures floating around somewhere that prove I did actually make it all the way there and back.

If I find said pictures, and I don't look like a fat zombie, I will update this post.

Until then, you know where to find me.

(on the couch, watching E! News.)

peace.

this is why I like treadmills...

2011-08-23T13:30:00.008-08:00

Last Saturday Dan and I decided we needed to embrace the sunshine we've been receiving by going for a walk.

Also, our truck was getting new tires, so why not just walk and pick it up.

I had to pee by time we made it to the truck.

It only took us fifteen minutes to get there.

and this is why I don't exercise outside.

because you never know when your bladder is going to be all "dude, I hope there's a bathroom near by or you are wearing an adult diaper, cause it's go time."

My biggest fear is that I'll be really far from my house, and I'll need to go rightfreakinnow, and I have to try and get home without wetting myself.

Dan thinks I have the bladder the size of a peanut.

I just think it's worn out from years of holding it during the Lord Of The Rings movies.

because I paid good money to watch Orlando Bloom kicking ass in a Lady Gaga wig.

Seriously, holding your pee for 3 hours while drinking like a Hobbit is bound to cause some damage.

current obsessions

2011-08-22T07:00:00.002-08:00

A list of things I spend hours watching/browsing instead of doing laundry, cooking, cleaning or anything else remotely productive.

Sara Bareilles

Yes, I've always liked her, but I had forgotten how freakin' awesome she is.

(ps...she swears like a sailor...which just makes me love her even more. you've been warned.)

(if you want to watch another awesome Sara video, check out her Single Ladies cover.)

2.

iBooks

Great for those times when I'm too impatient to order books online.

(actual screenshot from my phone.)

Netflix for iPhone

Now I don't have to stop watching tv when I go the bathroom. thank you, technology.

I recently watched Love Hurts featuring my tv boyfriend, Johnny Pacar...

eye sexin'...he's doin' it right.
(screencap from Make It Or Break It. *melts*)

pinterest.com

Yes, I found another social network-y time-suck.

come follow me.

STFUparentsblog.com

I cannot express how much I love this blog. It is hilarious.

Bonus: I found this clip via STFUParents and I died laughing. You're welcome.

Here's hoping you get through the day without dropping your phone, or a baby. Happy Monday.

young adult novels aren't helping my street cred...

2011-08-19T07:00:00.007-08:00

One thing my husband and I have in common is our love for collecting books.

We dream of someday having a library in our home.

I imagine we will have our own sections...mine will be filled with Young Adult novels about vampires, dystopian societies, and psychic teenagers.

I'm so philisophical and deep. Obviously.

Whenever we go on vacation we buy a crapton of books.

We pay for extra bags because we buy at least a suitcase full.

Have you been to Powell's Books? It's like heaven.
You know, if heaven smelled like old paper and hipsters.

Plus, I need books to read while traveling... a.k.a. sitting in the SeaTac airport for 4 hours.

Honestly, SeaTac is the worst place to have a late night lay over.
There are like 4 plugins in the entire freakin' airport. Who does that?!

Anyways, my airport read this year was Matched by Ally Condie

If you enjoyed the Hunger Games series, you will most likely enjoy this book.

Unfortunately, the sequel, Crossed, doesn't hit the shelves until November.

I bought quite a few books this year, and since then I've bought a few sequels.

So I've decided to start reviewing the books I read here on the blog.

Now, I will warn you, not only am I terrible at reading books in a timely manner, I also totally suck at updating the blog.

My goal is to read them all by the end of the year.

I love setting myself up for failure.

My goodreads account will give you a clue as to which books I'll be reviewing. Stay tuned...

hand me the remote, i could do this all day.

2011-07-30T20:35:00.001-08:00

During our three week stint as gypsies...aka vacation, we stayed with many family members.

Our first stop was Dan's parent's house.

One day, Dan and I were hanging out watching tv while my in-laws were running some errands.

As I was flipping through the cable guide I would stop at all my favorite shows that happened to be playing.

Every show I clicked on was....

wait for it...

blocked.

What does that say about my taste in television?

Dan says it means I like "all the dirty shows".

Seriously?

When I channel surf, if any of these shows are on, that is what I'm going to watch. Even if its a rerun.

Vampire Diaries
I truly don't think I've gushed over this show enough.

Glee
It makes my heart burst with sparkly rainbows of joy.

How I Met Your Mother
My netflix queue is overflowing with HIMYM.
(Srsly, I could dedicate an entire post to this show I love it so much.)

Chelsea Lately
That snarky biznatch has stolen my heart.

Tosh.0
Disgusting and hilarious. I can.not.get.enough.

iCarly
My love for this spunky kid show knows no bounds.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians
Pretty much anything Kardashian related. Khloe and I are totally BFFs.

Gilmore Girls
The show with witty "gun-fire" dialogue.

That 70's Show
This show will never stop being funny. ever.

Make It Or Break It
two words: Johnny Pacar.

Apparently, I have a sick twisted eclectic taste in programming.

and yes, I did end up watching iCarly at my in-laws house.

What are some of your favorite television shows?

Guest Post at Bewitched Bookworms....

2011-07-28T13:50:00.005-08:00

Today I am guest posting with my amazing bloggy friend cutie at Bewitched Bookworms.

We are talking about our favorite book boyfriends,
and the boys we dream of being cast in their roles.

Witty banter and cute boys, what more do you need?

How about this....

Yea, you probably wanna head over there now.

peace.

my mind on tumblr

2011-07-10T15:36:00.003-08:00

I haven't been blogging much...obviously. but I have been posting on tumblr, so I thought I'd share what's going on with me through things I've posted on tumblr. this is also an example of lazy blogging.
go me!

(all photo sources can be found at kgistheboss.tumblr.com)

so.... what's new with you?

If I could kick myself in the arse

2011-05-23T13:30:00.001-08:00

Dear Skinny Jeans,
Remember when we used to be friends?
When you would zip without a fight,
and my internal organs wouldn't scream
in protest anytime I sat down?
Yea, those were good times.
Sincerely,
Muffin Top

Vacation is just around the corner (10 days to be exact, not that I'm counting or anything)
and I am kicking my butt for not keeping up with my diet and exercise.

Sure, my pants still fit *coughbarelycough* but things really have gone down hill.

So I am making a last-ditch effort to lose a couple pounds before we take off.
Of course, there are always bumps in the road, a.k.a. pizza and cheetos,
but I am determined to persevere.

I'm saying goodbye to the country gravy (which I seem to be eating with everything)
and saying hello to the treadmill and slimfast...and diet pills.

Healthy living?

I'z doin' it right.

The circus rolled into town, and I was the main attraction.

2011-04-20T04:20:00.036-08:00

Well, I've been 25 for a couple weeks now and I feel exactly the same as I did when I was 24.

Except, now I can drive a rental car without paying a million dollars.

Who am I kidding? There is no way the husband is going to let me drive. Let's be realistic.

So, on my birthday, I strapped on my brand new birthday boots and went to work.

When I got to my office, I opened the door, flipped on the lights and almost peed my pants.

My office was filled with balloons.

Strung floor to ceiling.

Obviously, the birthday faeries came to visit, and they wanted EVERY ONE to know it was my birthday.

So, there I sat, at my desk, in a colorful balloon cage for all to see.

I couldn't figure out how everyone just automatically knew it was my birthday,

we could have been celebrating my bat mitzvah for all they knew...

Until, I saw the giant sticky note on the front of my desk that said, "Happy Birthday Kim!"

My friends are sneaky little devils.

I'm always so thrilled to be at work, what can I say?

On top of all that, my co-workers got me a cake and hid it under the boss's desk...

I'm pretty sure they almost caught that desk on fire. good times.

25 candles doesn't sound like a lot until you put them all on a little cake. Then it becomes a fire hazard.

I basically ate my weight in cake that day.

Not only did we eat german chocolate cake, but one of my friends also baked me the most magical sparkly pink cupcakes.

magical cupcakes of wonderment. zero calories...obviously

They were made out of rainbows and sunshine. Or it could have been funfetti cake and strawberry frosting. But I'm pretty sure they came from the land of Unicorns.

All day I sat in balloonland, eating cake, and basically being spoiled.

Like seriously, who knew? I didn't even think these guys liked me.

Don't get me wrong, they teased me mercilessly.

"Oh, how old are you? 19?"

"That's so great, you're finally 21!"

"You don't look a day over 16."

"If you walked into a bar, I would card you."

I will always look like a teenager.

And you know what...I'm okay with that.

...because I'm so mature.

My office is super lame and boring now that my circus cage is gone.

under pressure

2011-04-18T05:00:00.001-08:00

I've pretty much spent the last few weeks wallowing in a pit of despair.

Hence, the lack of bloggy rambles.

Because I know you only come here for the dead animals, and self deprecating banter.

So, instead of dragging y'all down the rabbit hole with me,

here's a list of things that are currently keeping me from medicating myself into oblivion.

The Hillywood Show

If you have never seen these parodies, go watch them now.

Seriously, ditch me, ditch me right now and watch them all. They are amazing.

The Vampire Diaries

See above. I love this show. Maybe not as much as twilight,

but I do lurve me some Ian Somerhalder.

Why the costume director makes them wear shirts is beyond me.

(source)

Mint Oreo Fudge Cremes

yep.

Angry Birds

The greatest time suck since Plants Vs. Zombies

Country Strong
...new favorite song.

It's Kind of a Funny Story

because watching a kid check into a mental hospital

is just what you want to watch when you are suffering depression.

(actually, it was exactly what I needed.)

and this scene made it all worth it.

serenity, now.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing Algebra class right now.

2011-03-24T13:34:00.005-08:00

In one week, I will be twenty-five years old.

what the fetch?

I don't know what happened.

I think I fell and hit my head in high school and woke up here in this weird "13 going on 30" alternate universe, because I don't remember getting old.

My teenage brain is not equipped for this twenty-five year old life.

I spend hours playing bejeweled and angry birds on my cell phone instead of doing laundry.
And then act shocked when I can't find anything to wear, and my room is covered in clothing.

I was supposed to call my insurance company during lunch the other day, but spent the entire hour
watching baby pygmy goats on youtube (thanks, Elly) and listening to Garfunkel & Oats and Rocky & Balls.

And for the love of Pete, don't ask me to cook a meal. Anything with more than two steps
(unwrap put in microwave) is a recipe for disaster, and will only end in tears and broken appliances.

My husband has a panic attack anytime I look at the KitchenAid mixer.
I'm pretty sure he's afraid it will fall apart if I lay a finger on it.

I have the eating habits of a 12 year old.

If it wasn't for my husband, I don't think I would even see a vegetable, let alone eat one.

Despite my child-like tendencies, I guess I have grown up.

Because, I'm pretty sure my sixteen-year-old self would be scared sh!t-less if she lived in Alaska.

In fact, you couldn't have paid sixteen-year-old me to get on an airplane.
Not even backstage passes to Spice Girls or Hanson would get me on one of those winged death traps.

Now I have to get on a plane anytime I want to see civilization. Like Starbucks or Old Navy.

Between the dead animals, whales, and lack of Seven-Eleven,
sixteen-year-old me would be terrified.

it's freezing balls in my office.

2011-03-18T04:00:00.012-08:00

that title alone may get me a scolding from my mother about being unlady-like.

*quirks eyebrow* ...that ship has sailed long ago.

Every morning, I wake up in my snuggly warm bed and dread hitting the snooze button for fear that my arm will freeze off Teminator-style if it leaves the safety of my comforter.

I practically drag my bedding into the bathroom with me.

Heaven forbid I drop the blanket in toilet water.

I can't deal with that sort of drama in the morning.

This entire morning routine is why I shower at night.

If I showered in the A.M. I would never ever get out.

(atleast until the hot water runs out)

It's just like being in bed...except I'm standing and naked and wet.

So not at all like being in bed...I hope. Just go with it.

Once I manage to wriggle out of my blanket burrito, I get dressed for work.

I try so hard to be professional.

(okay not too hard, I don't want to hurt myself.)

But wearing cute dresses and even dress pants is such a pain here.

The other day I wore two pairs of tights to work...TWO.

I mean, it takes me 3 minutes to drive to work, but I'm shivering the whole way.
I look forward to Friday all week long not because it's the end of the week, but because I can wear jeans.

I know what you are saying, "But why does it matter when you are inside the office all day?"

Well, because my office is freezing balls.

Just my office. I swear it's the only office in the entire building without heat.

My space heater and I are BFFs.

Seriously, I'm *this* close to bringing a snuggie to work.

the woes of online shopping

2011-03-15T18:00:00.013-08:00

Sometimes things just don't work out.

and by "work out" I mean don't fit over my apparently enormous calves.

yep, you guessed it, I bought the boots, but the boots gave me the finger.

pirate hooker? not a good look, my friends.

Unfolded I looked like a fat hooker,

and folded down I looked like a fat pirate.

neither of which were looks I was going for.

If they had been heels I think I could have gotten away with them, but since they fit so snugly I couldn't pull them up enough, which made them bunch up in the most unflattering way around my ankles.

Yuck.

I decided to show them to Dan, while he was playing video games *facepalm*

this is how it went down...

me: dude, these are terrible, I look like a pirate hooker.

Dan: *eyes pealed on the TV* so you're saying you don't like them?

me: i'm saying they look terrible. look!

*folds them up and down*

Dan: hey, could you do that again?

*catch him checking out my cleavage*

me: you are terrible, I'm sending them back.

It's always a gamble not being able to try things on.

Like the green plaid shirt dress I thought would be SO cute from Old Navy.

No, it's the fugliest dress I've ever owned.

And will remain owning, because I was too lazy to send it back.

You win this time, Old Navy.

---

The real question is, should I still go for the Steve Madden boots?

What if they are amazing and I end up missing out on some kickass boots?

(This is my mind, it's scary in there.)

....decisions, decisions.

just because you shoot it doesn't mean you need to stuff it.

2011-03-14T05:00:00.019-08:00

When I was growing up in the lush greenery of Washington, my parents would take my brothers and I to the mountains, to enjoy nature and eat at a lodge nestled between the tall evergreen trees near the river.

I remember looking up at the forest trees that reached up toward the sky.

They used to scare me if I thought about it too long.

We would be giddy if we saw a squirrel or a deer.

My younger brother would run around catching anything creepy and crawly.

We loved the mountains but never felt the need to go camping or hunting. so, it shouldn't really be a surprise that animals that have been killed and then stuffed, scare me to death.

There was a big stuffed Elk in the lodge we used to visit.

Standing right next to the front door.

You would walk in and BAM there's a giant dead animal looking right at you.

My parents have a picture of us in front of the dead creature.

oh the pink culottes...*facepalm*

I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of tears, because who wants to be forced by their parents (who are supposed to love you) to stand next to a corpse that may or may not come back from the dead and eat your brains.

Dude it's about to bite my little brother's head off!

Now I live in a state, where having animal corpses as decor, is not only common place, but it's encouraged.

Slowly, I have learned to adapt to my surrounding.

Otherwise, I would never go anywhere, ever.

And I'm not cut out for the crazy cat lady life.

I am becoming more comfortable in homes with hunting trophies, bear skin rugs,

restaurants with dead bears in the middle of the room,
(okay that one is pushing it, who wants to see that while they eat?)

and airport corridors with every arctic animal welcoming you from behind plate glass, letting you know that you have undoubtedly landed in Alaska.

The same cannot be said for my fear of whales. *shudder*

with what money?

2011-03-05T18:00:00.003-09:00

I love it when my husband asks, "With what money?" whenever I tell him I want to buy something.
(that's a lie. I absolutely loath it.)

Well, I was thinking about using the money I make selling harvested organs in dark alleys.

Or, I could use the money I get from that time-suck I call a job.

You know the place I go every morning, that turns me into a brain eating zombie by 5 o'clock.

Granted, this aversion to spending pertains to things like clothes, shoes, asian babies, and hair products.

Not food. I can pretty much buy all the food that I want. He doesn't starve me or anything.
(but maybe he should.)

The other day I tried explaining the importance of my buying new boots.

You see, my Target special, knee high black boots are broken.

I'm pretty sure one of the many grated metal stairs around town assaulted my left heel and tore that little rubber end right off.

Truly, I am devastated. And who knows how long it's been missing.

For the past 2 weeks I've been doing my most favorite thing in the world...online shopping.

And now, I am convinced I need TWO new pairs of boots.

Because, I cannot live another day without a a black pair and brown pair.

It's a travesty that I haven't owned a pair of brown boots in 5 years.

That is 5 years too long, people.

So, I've figured out a way to get exactly what I want.

Obviously, I need a pair to replace my old broken ones, so I found these...

Chinese Laundry

Which he cannot deny me, because they are a necessity of life.

And these...

steve madden

...these babies are for my birthday.

You see what I did there? Yea. I'm pretty smooth like that.

Bonus, everything is on sale because it's the end of the season in the fashion world.

Of course, we still have winter for another 4 months.

Go me!

Put us together and our IQ's drop dramatically.

2011-02-26T05:00:00.017-09:00

"Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order?"

*spies the margaritas on the taco hell menu*

K: Hey! I didn't know taco bell served alcohol! bwahahahaa

.....

"Do you ladies need any hot sauce?"

L: No, you gave us plenty last night.

K: That's what she said!

What do you get when you take two young women who live in Nome, and drop them in the middle of the city?

Two giggling girls parked in a random cul de sac at 2am eating Taco Bell nachos and virgin margaritas, because they got lost on their way back to the hotel.

things you can't unsee

2011-02-23T22:20:00.000-09:00

Living in Alaska has basically scarred me for life.

Seriously, you guys.

From the things my neighbors butcher on the front porch like swans, rabbits, and other cute furry cuddly things, to photos on facebook.

Nowhere is safe.

I was flipping through one of my friends FB albums, and was accosted by pictures of a skinned bear.

How many times has that happened to you?

I will never get that image out of my head.

Nor will I ever forget the time I saw my neighbor skin a rabbit on their porch and then hung its fur on the porch railing to dry. ((shudder)) Poor Thumper.

I can't make this stuff up.

There is death on the front lawn/porch/wall/floor/everywhereohmahgosh!

I would post photographic evidence for you, but the thought actually makes me gag.

Yes, You will find bear skin rugs, musk ox furs, animal heads, antlers, tusks, etc. in almost every home here.

I don't judge, but the hell if I will ever have an animal head hanging on my wall.

Not because I'm some PETA fanatic. (for realz, I love me some steak.)

But basically, because I am scared that one day I will wake up and the hypothetical animal head will be in my bed trying to eat my face off.

Funny Girls

2011-02-22T04:00:00.012-09:00

I spent almost the entire weekend in my pajamas, watching movies and youtube, oh yea, and eating chips and salsa by the container full. I'm not proud, but I am satisfied.

Saturday I did manage to shower and put on jeans before I went to my friend's house to play Just Dance 2 on the Wii. Which was pretty much hilarious and next time I'll put on my industrial strength sports bra and yoga pants, because when we get dancing, it gets brutal, and by brutal I mean horrifying and sweaty. 2 year olds were crying, husbands were scarred for life, it was mayhem.

We had so much fun, we had no idea there was a blizzard raging outside.

I'm talking white out blizzard, people. I prayed and sang church songs the entire way home. Seriously, I've lived here for 4 years and never actually driven, myself, in a blizzard. I about peed my pants on the drive home. I was like Carrie Underwood, Jesus take the wheel while I crap my pants, ohmygoshpleasedontletmedietoday!

So, Sunday we were snowed in, obviously, and church was canceled.
I decided to take the opportunity -while Dan played hours of Fallout: New Vegas- to watch chick movies...Funny Girl and Funny Lady. Seriously epic. I've said it before, Barbra is one of my idols.

Of course then I had Don't Rain On My Parade stuck in my head for the rest of the 3-day weekend.

I'm sure Dan was thrilled.

Besides belting out showtunes with my headphones so I can't hear how off key I am....
(srsly, ask my husband, he has been subjected to that scene one too many times)
My other favorite thing to do is watch stand up comics.
I really love finding great female comics, like Chelsea Handler and Iliza Shlesinger.

So, to help brighten your Tuesday that probably feels like a Monday,
here are a couple of my favorite funny girls...

*warning, partaking of beverages while viewing the following clips may cause choking and or ruined keyboard*

Iliza Shlesinger

Jokes.com

Iliza Shlesinger - Gem of Knowledge

comedians.comedycentral.com

Iliza Shlesinger - Snake in the Grass

comedians.comedycentral.com

Anjelah Johnson

Anjelah Johnson - Flight Attendants

comedians.comedycentral.com

Anjelah Johnson - Butt Check-Out

comedians.comedycentral.com

Jokes

Joke of the Day

Funny Jokes

Happy Tuesday, Y'all.

All the small things

2011-02-18T05:00:00.003-09:00

(woah, holy 6 posts in one week, batman. go me!)

Throughout High School, I remember spending my Saturday nights dressed up, in my knee length skirts and platform sandals, ready to dance the night away in the church gymnasium.

My brother and I (cause that's how I roll) would walk in and show the chaperones our dance cards. The LDS equivalent of being "carded".

Once I was "in", I would get pulled in a blur past the cute boys and into the girl's bathroom by three of my -probably screaming/hugging- friends, because one of them was crying. Do not pass go, do not even think about stopping by the refreshments table.

Now, normal adolescents would have taken the opportunity to smoke slash drink some form of contraband in said bathroom. But, we were in a church for crying out loud, and no one ever said we were normal. At least not between the ages of 14 and 17...I saved that for after high school.

Instead of a night of carefree dancing, we would spend the first half of the dance in the bathroom, chillin' in the same chairs women breast feed in, trying to convince "crying friend" that she's gorgeous and just needs to dance it out. Or, to grow a pair and get out there and ask that tall skinny boy she was crushin' on to dance. Unless that boy was the same skinny kid I was crushing on, then it was a fight to the death in the bathroom.

I won, obviously.

So, you may be asking what the point of all this is?

Well, the point is... just freakin dance!

Stop crying because you think someone doesn't like you.

Stop wasting precious time worrying about what others think or do.

Do what you want to do, and if you want to dance, then dance.

ps...All The Small Things by Blink 182 was one of the most played songs at those dances.
pps...Cotton Eyed Joe was number 1.

going to Nome for a wife

2011-02-16T05:14:00.002-09:00

One of my all time favorite movies is Blast From The Past with Alicia Silverstone and Brendan Fraser.

Basically everything I know about Alaska I learned from that movie scene.

If you would have told me back in 2000 -when I first saw this movie- that I would eventually live in Alaska,
I would have laughed and said you were crazy.

Four years ago I moved to Nome.

Who's crazy now?

....by the way, no one comes to Nome for a wife. Just sayin.

Sometimes life imitates The Vampire Diaries

2011-02-15T05:26:00.005-09:00

[Scene: Human Elena watching Vampire Stefan cooking dinner.]

Elena: My dad did all the cooking too.
Stefan: And your mom?
Elena: She sat right here and watched...she couldn't cook either.

Dan: Hey, that's just like you, baby.

Me: What? I just cooked us dinner.

*points to plate of chicken strips and french fries*

Dan: umm yea. That's not really cooking. But I love you anyways.

....He sure knows how to sweet talk a lady.

I didn't marry him for his good looks and charm, I married him because he can cook.

sucker.

---------Two truths and a lie Tuesday--------

I got my first driver's license when I was 23 years old.

I've never been on a rollercoaster.

I have never drank alcohol.

Thanks Melissa!

Can't Buy Me Love

2011-02-14T05:00:00.006-09:00

I don't need diamonds, or chocolates, or a hallmark card.

I just need you, snuggled close to me, watching Glee or something equally as girly.

I don't need a lot to make me happy.

....but if you want to buy me something, who am I to deny you the satisfaction it brings.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Why I should never wake and bake...

2011-02-13T01:30:00.007-09:00

(that's probably the best blog title I have ever had. I should just stop right there.)

This is my attempt at being domestic.

Friday night I baked a couple dozen heart shaped sugar cookies.

I'm going to start out by saying that I cheated (as I usually do) and used store bought sugar cookie mix.

Because how could I possibly screw this up?

And I know how to make icing, this is gonna be easy peasy.

Saturday morning I woke up and was ready to tackle step two... icing and decorating.

Attempt number one:

self: oh this is so much fun! I could totally be a baker!

whip egg whites. check.
add sugar. check.
have husband taste test. check.

Dan: it's a little grainy, did you sift the sugar?

Me: no, the recipe didn't say i needed to sift it.

Dan: I always sift powdered sugar. you did use powdered sugar right?

Me: oh my gosh! I used granulated sugar! why would I do that? I am so retarded!

*bangs head on wall*

Dan: it's okay, baby, it's just early. you're not awake yet.

....Of course, then I was out of eggs and my truck refused to start in the -23 degree weather.

So I said screw it, and swore off baking for ever.

Attempt number two:

*husband returns from store with eggs and an energy drink*

self: okay, you can do this. show that icing whose boss.

While separating the egg whites I dropped the yoke of egg number four into the bowl of whites...

[on the phone with my mom]

Me: sh*t!

Mom: oh no, she said sh*t, it must be bad.

Me: I just broke the yoke into the whites, oh my gosh not again!

Mom: maybe I should go, you need to concentrate.

Me: Mom, I'm baking, not driving a car for pete's sake. why is this so hard?!

I fished out as much of the yoke as possible, said screw it and finished making the icing.

My poor mother had to suffer through the entire icing process., I may have scarred her for life.

My kitchen looks like cupid puked all over it.

finished product:

these cookies can burn in a fiery valentine's hell.

those f'ers were so not worth the trouble.

I don't go out on the sea ice because there are whales under there. duh.

2011-02-04T00:31:00.000-09:00

My extremely talented friend, Kim @ Nomemade created this awesome movie trailer featuring my husband, and many of our friends. enjoy.

I don't hate autocorrect.

2011-02-01T23:15:00.001-09:00

I found the most hilarious website that has left me with sore abs and soiled pants from laughing so hard.
here are a few of my favorites...

sounds like an average day around these parts.


LOLZ fa sho!

who doesn't want to be paid in monkeys?

this one is for Elly Lou.

and the one that had me on the floor gasping for air....

you are welcome.

the end.

what blog title will best distract my readers from the fact that I haven't blogged in two months? oh wait.

2011-01-18T05:00:00.004-09:00

Well, I want to say 2010 was full of blogging fail for me.

Not only did I suck at posting here, but I also put my twilight love child on hiatus. and I hate hiatuses.

It is a new year, which I am hoping will be filled with new and exciting things to blog about.

But nothing exciting has happened yet, so lets take a look back at the last year, shall we?

Here are my top ten in two thousand ten...

10. I read a lot of books in 2010, all of which have sequels. why do I torture myself so?!

9. I blogged about dieting and exercise...be prepared for more of that nonsense in the future.

8. I found some wonderful new blogs that I adore, and may have distracted me from my own blogging.

7. I let you all in on my deepest darkest fear, my fear and hatred of whales.

6. My husband and I saw Lady Gaga in concert, and she rocked our faces off. (vid not filmed by me.)

5. I discovered I have almost 40 blog posts still in Draft form. just further proof that I have the attention span of a gnat, and rarely complete coherent -oh look! shiny!

4. In July my friends and I threw an awesomeballz Eclipse pre-show party here in Nome.

3. Our roommate of almost 2 years moved back home in December. it was bittersweet, and I am currently suffering from empty nest syndrome.

2. We are officially the champions of not making grandchildren for my husband's parents. I'm still waiting for that gold metal in the mail. Maybe this year my brothers will help us with my side of the family.

1. I bought my first ukulele after becoming utterly infatuated with Elly at Bugginword. Maybe by the end of 2011 I will actually learn a song well enough to record it. or not.

and a total bonus...
my wonderful friend, Kim from Nomemade, designed this awesome shirt just for me!

Thank you, Kim! and everyone else, you're welcome for the boob shot.

aaaaaand I'm out.

Mix Tape

2010-11-29T05:00:00.014-09:00

Today I am participating in the Interactive Post from the super popular blog Why Not? Twilight, Rpattz, and Me. If you are a fan of Twilight, Robert Pattinson, or just straight up hilarity at its finest, definitely go check out the blog. and tell my home-girl Amcas, "The Boss" sent you.

HOW TO PUT TOGETHER YOUR TAPE

Your mixtape should be ten tracks long and consist of five tracks on each side.

Side ‘A’ should represent the positive, happy bits.

Side ‘B’ should represent the not so happy bits, but end on a good note.

You can choose whether or not to explain your song choices.

When you are finished, choose a way to share your tape with us:

1. Make a comment listing your tracks/artists.

2. Make a blog post on your blog and give us the link.

3. Make a mixpod play-list with your tracks and give us the link.

TRACK ORDER

SIDE ‘A’

Track one: a song that you think represents your life/view on life at present.

Track two: a song that makes you think of your favorite person at present.

Track three: a song that represents your love life at present.

Track four: a song that always cheers you up.

Track five: a song that you will always associate with a good memory.

SIDE ‘B’

Track one: a song that makes you think of your least favorite person, past or present.

Track two: a song that represents your love life in the past 1-5 years.

Track three: a song you love, but can’t listen to without feeling sad.

Track four: a song that you will always associate with a negative memory.

Track five: a song that inspires you to power through the bad and make the most of life.

Here is my mix tape, I like to call it:
"the mixed up musings of me"
(catchy, I know.)

Side 'A'

Track one:
a song that you think represents your life/view on life at present.
Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson
I just want to be okay. I think everyone does. This is such a simple song,
but it works when I am feeling down, or having a bad day at work and it gets stuck in my head.
I just think to myself... "I just want to be okay today."

Track two:
a song that makes you think of your favorite person at present.

Not The Same - Ben Folds Five
My bestie introduced me to the wonderment that is Ben Folds last year.
I used to listen to this song constantly, and it always makes me think of her.

Track three:
a song that represents your love life at present.

The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
"If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
Cause I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am."

Track four:
a song that always cheers you up.

Daylight - Matt and Kim
Not only does this song make me think of my bestie, but it always cheers me up with its happy
and vibrant sound. You can't hate this song...it's against nature.

Track five:
a song that you will always associate with a good memory.

The Power of Love - Huey Lewis and The News
Back To The Future + Huey Lewis = Sparkle hearts!
My husband and I love these guys.

Side 'B'

Track one:
a song that makes you think of your least favorite person, past or present.

Blinded - Third Eye Blind
my ex-boyfriend's favorite band. need I say more?
For the record, I love Third Eye Blind, but this song in particular makes me think of my ex.

Track two:
a song that represents your love life in the past 1-5 years.
This was our wedding song.

Only Hope - Switchfoot
"I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope."

Track three:
a song you love, but can’t listen to without feeling sad.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
There's no real explanation needed for why this song makes me sad. Just listen.

Track four:
a song that you will always associate with a negative memory.
Strings That Tie To You - Jon Brion
During my break up with my high school boyfriend, I was obsessed with
Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. I watched it everyday, and listened to
the soundtrack constantly. Now I can't watch it or listen to it, even though I love the movie..

Track five:
a song that inspires you to power through the bad and make the most of life.
This is Not a Test - She and Him
"For those of us who try to keep remembering,
Try to do our better than our best.
Think of all the children in the drifts of snow.
Winners never quit, but winters never rest."

I just died from cuteness overload.

2010-11-22T12:30:00.002-09:00

Is this not the cutest effin' thing you've ever seen?
*heart melts*

(via huffington post)

I am thankful for youtube

2010-11-20T00:45:00.004-09:00

I wanted to share a few videos clips that have inspired me this week.
or maybe they just made me laugh. either way, enjoy.

1. my hero....Ingrid Michaelson
Ingrid is beautiful, talented, and has a fantastic sense of humor.
basically, she is my new BFF.

2. Weird Al -Another One Rides The Bus
The husband was surfing youtube the other day and ran across this gem.
I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. The accordion + Queen = Win.
I like the intensity.

3. The Landlord.
Is there any other reason to have children? I want to be like Pearl when I grow up.

4. Scott Pilgrim Vs The World....no comment necessary. If you haven't seen it, go rent it, now.

5. Zooey Deschanel ...truly the woman can do no wrong.
Her voice is flawless, and her style is unbelievable. *girl crushing*

This is the story of a girl....

2010-11-13T05:01:00.002-09:00

*the following was originally posted in my "about kg" page. this is my poor attempt at posting without actually putting forth any effort. cut and paste are my bff's.*

I've never been outdoorsy. I grew up dancing ballet and hanging out at the mall.

Dead animals freak me out, especially when they're on the wall.

I don't hunt or fish. I can't eat anything that I've seen while it was still living.

I always imagined I would move to the big city after high school to become a fashion designer or a musician or something.

It all changed when I fell for a boy. And then that boy moved away.

I partied like a rock star 'til I was broke and moved back in with my parents.

After talking to Dan almost every night for a month, he asked me when I was going to move to Alaska.

Crazy, right?

So, I moved from Central Washington to Nome Alaska in February 2007.

It was my first time flying on an airplane, and my first time living away from my family.

My first night in Alaska was spent in the Anchorage airport.

Good times.

Fast forward 4 years.

We are still in Alaska. We are married, with no kids. We both work full time, and spend our free time, watching movies, playing video games, four-wheeling, enjoying nature and of course blogging.

I'm still not too keen on this whole "living in the middle of nowhere" thing, but we are happy together, and everyday is an adventure.

This is my life in rural Alaska.

----------------------------------------------------

Have you ever done something
that everyone else told you was "crazy"?

two thumbs up for rumors and harlots.

2010-10-19T05:00:00.035-08:00

Back in May I posted here about some funny movies I was excited to see.

I am happy to report I have officially seen all of them. Some in the theater and some on DVD.

I loved them all.

...and of course they were all hilarious!

But my favorite -hands down- was Easy A, which I saw on Saturday.

If you haven't seen it yet, go now.

It's smart, witty and heartfelt. I loved every minute of it.

Emma Stone is amazing. I have a serious girly crush on her.

Whether you see it with your husband/boyfriend, or have a girls night out,

everyone will enjoy this movie.

peace!

-kg

ps...Penn Badgley is my new imaginary boyfriend. I wanna lick him.

yep.

The scariest thing I've seen this Halloween. or maybe ever.

2010-10-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

First off,

I will give you the link...

(there is no way in hell I'm posting the video on my blog.)

click here to see the scariest commercial EVER!

I had a panic attack just looking up that damn video clip.

Yeah, you're welcome.

I jumped about ten feet in the air when I saw this commercial last night.

I didn't know or care what they were advertising.

However, I know now that I will never EVER buy Bridgestone tires. A**holes.

People think it's funny, but it's not.
It's an effing whale...on land! Wait, not just on land, but in a car!
Dude, a whale could fit in my VAN! Now instead of fearing hobos in my van,
I'm going to be thinking a freakin Orca is waiting for me in the back seat.
This has gone way too far.

Adding lemon juice to a paper cut,

my roommate decided to play a fun little prank on me today.

I hopped on my husband's PC after work because I was too lazy to find my laptop.

I was just sitting there, all la-la-la happy as a clam,

when suddenly this HUGE close up picture of that bastard Shamu popped up as the wallpaper.

Mouth open and tongue curled, basically ready to bite my head off.

I couldn't get away from that computer fast enough.

I screamed like an ax murderer was chasing me.

And then I just stood there, my back facing the computer,

peeing my pants laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

Our roommate is finding a new place to live tomorrow.

in the daylight anywhere feels like home

2010-10-09T05:00:00.003-08:00

For the past couple weeks I have been on an emotional roller coaster.

It has been frustrating and uncontrollable.

But I really don't want to talk about that.

I don't want to think about the darkness that is closing in.

Or the air that freezes your nose, and chills your bones.

No.

I just want to wave to the daylight.

Sometimes, something as simple as a song is all you need to lift your spirits.

Now, everybody dance.

(thank you bestie for sharing this song with me. you are always there to make me smile, even when you don't realize it.)

I always hated playing tag on the playground...

2010-09-27T05:00:00.006-08:00

but that's because I realized at a young age how much I hate running.

Luckily for me, this game of tag is virtual. which means it's totally legit.

The always adorable Kate from Simply Kate tagged me
and I have to answer the following questions...

1. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Although I have never been a fan of my name, I can't think of a better one.
Maybe a name where my nickname didn't make me sound like a 5 year old,
or that annoying best friend from Full House. She has forever ruined my name.


seriously.

2. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I do love me some chicken strips, but eggs are a breakfast food,
so I would say the egg came first.
We are talking about food here, right?

the egg definitely came first...in toast. YEAH TOAST!

3. Do you smash the wedding cake in each others faces or not?

Yes. Oh we started all sweet,
but I was like "really? this is lame!"
Unfortunately he has longer arms than me.

see...

sidenote: don't let red velvet cake get on your dress...no bueno.

4. If you could play any character in a movie, who would it be and why?

I would be Margaret Tate in The Proposal, because I would get to boss people around,

make out with Ryan "freaking" Reynolds, and sing "get low" while dancing like this!

did I mention Ryan Reynolds?

5. What would your super hero name be?

Dude, I am a superhero.
I wear a shirt under all my clothes that says "KG" on it.

6. There's a monster in your house. Do you go into the attic?

If I wanted to die I would go into the attic.

Otherwise, I would get my chicken butt outta the dang house. like fast.
Seriously, have you seen Paranormal Activity? *shudder*

(I would have found a picture for this question but I was too afraid to google it.)

7. Would you rather be forced to scream at the top of your lungs for an hour everyday or have earlobes the size of basketballs?
I would much rather scream at the top of my lungs.
At least I'm good at that. And it would give me that smexy raspy voice.
I'm also superficial. Obviously.

8. if you had to eat a crayon, what color would it be?
White, because it has the least amount of coloring that could possibly be nasty tasting.
I am very logic. My only question is why are we eating crayons?
Play-doh tastes WAY better.
Trust me.

Well, now that you've had some insight into my mind
(it's a scary place, I know.)
Now I get to tag 8 of my favorite bloggers!

1. cutie @ sofa king cutie
2. Kim @ Nomemade
3. Kate @ Simply Kate (you didn't say "no tag backs" bwahahaha!)
4. Elly @ Bugginword
5. Annie @ My Old Sweet Etcetera
6. Sarah @ Sarah Ruth Today
7. Lynn @ The Hicken Family
8. Amcas @ Why Not? Twilight, Rpattz & Me

And here are your questions:
1. You are having dinner with your celebrity crush, who are you with and where?
2. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
3. Has a fortune cookie ever really told you your fortune?
4. When you are at the movies, which arm rest is yours?
5. If you could use one song as a form of torture for your enemies, what song would you choose?
6. What movie do you watch anytime it comes on TV, even though you own the dvd?
7. What was your biggest childhood fear? Does it still scare you?
8. Are you a morning person, or a night owl?

------------------------------------------------------

ps....NO TAG BACKS, SUCKAHS!!!

kg's playlist of awesomeness

2010-09-25T00:40:00.001-08:00

I am constantly collecting and discovering new music.

I have a very eclectic taste, and I go through phases where I listen to the same playlist

until I have memorized the lyrics and basically played them to death.

I wanted to share a few of my latest favorites that are on a continuous loop on my ipod.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

What are some of your current favorites?

dear civilization, i miss you....like a lot.

2010-09-15T23:35:00.000-08:00

I am back to the world of dirt roads, 10 dollar gallons of milk, and 4wheelers.

I miss the land of malls and freeways, where Rockstar Energy only cost 2 bones.

Truly, I am poor now.

I bought far too many clothes, and books...
and paid outrageous overweight luggage fees because of it...
do they not realize I live in freaking Alaska? Have some sympathy, people...gosh!

I also gorged myself on Olive Garden and Sonic.
By the way, I'd never been to Sonic and I finally understand why all their commercials take place in the front seat of a car. *facepalm*
I thought they were just being clever...or cheap.

I encountered my first Apple store whilst shopping in Seattle.
It pretty much ninja'd my brain.
They rang up our purchases using an iPod Touch. *brain explodes*
I know that this stuff has probably been around for a while,
but I live in bum-frick-egypt so I feel like I'm time traveling every time I go on vacation.
I'm like Marty McFly and my DeLorian is an Alaska Airlines plane.

We spent a lot of time in the car... more specifically on the freeway.
All I can remember is thinking, "holy effin' eff! all these cars are going so fast...we-are-all-going-to-die!"
*deep breaths*
And that is why my husband doesn't let me drive. We can only handle one panic attack at a time.

Side note: Trusting iPhone GPS is only convenient when you have an overabundance of time at your disposal... you will get to where you are going, but you will be taking the scenic route... and by "scenic" I mean, through construction.

Our first week was spent soaking up the sun and singing "I'm on a boat!" at the lake with the hubby's family.

For our anniversary weekend, we party'd it up in Tacoma at The Monster Ball.

And the last week was spent with my family, BBQ'ing, playing games and watching The Hangover.

Word to the wise, don't play Banana-grams with kg, unless you plan on playing it dirty-word-style.
My mother is so proud.

There is so much more that I couldn't possibly write about now, seeing as I'm still recuperating.
I have a vacation hangover, if you will. And the only cure is another vacation.

Next time...Vegas, baby!

ps...the Sonic blue coconut slushee is bomb!

pss...Lady Gaga in concert rocked my freakin world. Just sayin'.

Kickin' It Old Testament

2010-07-29T12:30:00.016-08:00

I teach the 8-11 year old Sunday school class every Sunday.

*pause for effect*

Yes, I teach children about Jesus.

There are no girls in my class, just 3 boys.

This year we are studying The Old Testament....

Lesson: Adam and Eve have children and populate the Earth.

Kid: So what you're saying is, brothers and sisters have babies together?

*cue simultaneous groans and ewws*

Me: *blink blink* Um, yes...

Kids: But how does that-

Me: Hey, you know what...ask your parents!

And that my friends, is how it's done.

i don't read books because if they are any good they'll turn 'em into a mini-series

2010-06-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

me: Hey, our library sucks. I'm thinking about doing one of those netflix for books things.

Dan: Is that the Kardashian one? They can't read.

me: What? no, that's Shoedazzle, that's for shoes.

Dan: See, I told you they couldn't read.

me: *blink blink* Seriously I need new books. I'm on the verge of re-reading the ones I already have.

Dan: What about this book? *holds up The Last Song*

me: pfft. I watched the movie, now I don't need to read it. Just like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Oh and The Notebook, and Dear John.

Dan: Whatever. You read and watched Twilight.

me: Umm that's different. Twilight is a freakin' lifestyle.

Dan: That doesn't even makes sense.

me: Your face doesn't make sense.

Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes!

2010-05-31T01:43:00.001-08:00

I have tried several different beverages since I quit soda and energy drinks. I have been drinking tons of water, and flavored waters. And sometimes, I just need a little carbonation.

Here are some of the beverages I have been loving.

Hansen's Sugar Free Sparkling Water Valencia Orange

Sweetened with Splenda, zero calorie, no caffeine, no Aspartame*, no high fructose corn syrup.

I drink these all the time, and although Splenda tends to give it a slight diet-y after taste,

I still enjoy this carbonated beverage.

Vitamin Water XXX (triple anti-oxidants)

There are a few flavors I like, but my favorite seems to be XXX.

Containing acai, blueberry, and pomegranate and only 50 calories per serving, no caffeine, no Aspartame*.

I drink this when I'm craving juice, but not wanting the extra calories.

SoBe lifewater Pomegranate Cherry

I wasn't impressed with the 0 calorie variety, seeing as they have a very diet-y after taste.

However, the normal Lifewater, was pretty good. 40 calories per serving, no caffeine and no Aspartame*.

I usually buy this when its on sale.

Fresca Sparkling Citrus

I feel like I am cheating a little drinking Fresca. It is a zero calorie, non caffeinated beverage.

However, it does contain Aspartame*, which I am not a fan of. Fresca is just as refreshing as it sounds, and I do enjoy it in moderation. Just because its zero calorie, doesn't always mean its good for you.

Crystal Light Fruit Punch

There is always Crystal Light in my house.

Even though it is sugar free and only 5 calories per serving, it does contain Aspartame*.

I try to limit my Crystal Light consumption because it tends to give me a stomach ache.

Sometimes...

You just can't beat, good ol' watery water.

Smartwater

If it makes me look like Jen, I'll take a year supply thank you very much.

(source: mail online)

Happy Memorial Day, and stay hydrated everyone.

*smooches*

*Aspartame: Aspartame is an artificial sweetener. It is 200 times sweeter than sugar in typical concentrations, without the high energy value of sugar. Because its breakdown products include phenylalanine, aspartame is among the many substances that must be avoided by people with phenylketonuria (PKU), a rare genetic condition.

High fives all around! {Bloggy Award}

2010-05-26T19:20:00.002-08:00

I received my first bloggy award ever from Sarah Ruth @ Sarah Ruth Today.

She is so sweet, and I heart her blog.

For this award I am supposed to list 10 things I love...

My husband, Dan.

2.
My Family
(left to right: my brothers AJ & Joe, Dan, me, my Mom and Dad)

My iPhone
(iPhone, I cannot live in a world where you don't exist.)

The Twilight Saga
(oh my dayum!)

Fresca
(Zero calorie soda....obviously made from unicorn blood and rainbows.)

6.
Dancing
(i still wish i was a ballerina)

7.
The Beach
(it looks pretty, but it'll freeze your nads off.)

8.
Pink Laptop
(my prrrrecioussss)

9.
Lady Gaga
(we are super excited to see her in concert in August)

10.
Plants Vs. Zombies

And now to pass along some love to 10 bloggers i heart!

Elly Lou @BugginWord
The Bookworms @Bewitched Bookworms
Lauren @Busy Bee Lauren
Genevieve Le Bel @Celebrate TODAY... The Superchick Way!
Jas @Forever, For Always, And No Matter What
Julie @He Who Laughs Last Didn't Get It
Annie @my sweet old etcetera
Kate @Simply Kate
Tasha @Something Less Productive
Natalie @The Bobby Pin

You know its funny when you piddle your pants.

2010-05-22T14:18:00.004-08:00

I love movies. I love going to the theater and buying a big ol' bag of popcorn that should take me a week to eat, but is gone before the previews are over. I love renting movies, and curling up on the couch in my pj's. I will watch a movie on TV even if I already own it, because I like it that much. I mean, who doesn't love movies?
I love a good laugh, and there are some hilarious looking movies coming out soon, along with some great casts.

Here are 5 movies I am excited to see....

1.
Easy A ...I have a total girl crush on Emma Stone. I am sad I have to wait til September to see this.

2.
The Other Guys ....talk about an all star cast. Looks hilarious.

3.
Get Him To The Greek ....These guys are a riot!

4.
Grown Ups ....my sides hurt from laughing just watching the preview.

5.
Killers ....I heart Ashton Kutcher, what can I say?

What movies are you excited to see?

You know that diet I've been on? Yeah, that all went to hell when I made these cookies.

2010-05-20T22:00:00.003-08:00

Domestic diva time!

Over the weekend my buddy ol' pal L and I skipped the gym and decided it was cookie time.

What kind of cookies, you ask?

Oh, the kind you make with the random cake mix you have in your pantry for no apparent reason, because your husband doesn't even like cake, so you go through the recipe box your mother in law made for you and find the perfect recipe you can use with items you already have in your kitchen. No grocery store run needed.

That kind.
Its like it was destiny or something.
Also known as

Cool Whip Cake Cookies

1 pkg. cake mix (some flavors are better than others)
1 c. Cool Whip
1 lg. egg
Powdered sugar
Mix all ingredients, except the powdered sugar, with mixer. Roll spoonful of dough in powdered sugar. Place on cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes.

We documented all the shenanigans...

please ignore the I'm-about-to-go-into-labor maternity tank top I am wearing.
When you are making and subsequently devouring cake cookies, you gotta have room for that foodbaby.

de-freakin-licious!

If I get any fatter the Natives may mistake me for a whale.

2010-05-04T13:35:00.012-08:00

And that is why I am on a diet.

Because I don't want to get harpooned.

That would suck.

Oh and because of zombies.

But more because I don't want a bunch of Native Alaskans to mistake me for a beached whale and try to take me back to their island to feed their entire village.

Can you imagine?

((shudder))

aaanywhoozer....

I quit all caffeine and all sodas. *collective interweb gasp*

I've pretty much been a homicidal maniac for the past 3 weeks.

But I'm actually feeling pretty good.

What I don't understand is why it has taken me so long to do it.

I'm actually kind of pissed at myself.

I've let this get way out of hand and I didn't realize it till I started seeing pictures of myself.

Between the weight gain caused by competitive eating a.k.a marriage and just straight up eating whatever I want because I want it and can afford it, I've easily gained 25 pounds since I moved to Alaska.

And no, my extra fat does not keep me warm like a walrus on cold winter nights.

Although, my husband would disagree.

I'm like a human heat blanket.

Obviously that is why he married me.

Also, why is it that healthy food is always so expensive, and junk food is cheap?
I mean, everything here is expensive, but produce tends to be on the verge of death by time it gets here,
and I am a sucker for anything microwavable or covered in powdered cheese.

I seriously ate half a bag of cheetos for dinner Sunday night.

*facepalm*

In other words...
I will be at the gym, starving to death and hiding from the harpoons.

...that pretty much sums it up, folks.

I remember when myspace and facebook were all drunken snapshots and emo bangs.

2010-04-28T13:24:00.003-08:00

Now all I see are babies, preggo bellies and engagement rings.

Are my friends getting old?

The answer is yes.

Obviously.

Because, I'm still sixteen ...okay maybe seventeen.
I have had my license for almost a year now. <---truth.
(fine physically I am 24 but mentally I am still 16.)

I even have the infamous hold-your-cameraphone-above-your-head-and-look-up-while-standing-in-the-bathroom-emo-myspaceyourface picture on my profile. I may or may not be wearing an Edward Cullen tshirt in said photo.

I'm still posing like an emo, while everyone else on FB is either pregnant or has just given birth like ten seconds ago (according to their status update).

To be honest...
It's starting to confuse me.

How am I supposed to know who's "totally bored at work" or who's "going to the beach" when my live feed looks like I've been friend requesting newborn babies?

I don't think those babies are taking themselves down to the beach for a crawl in the sand, nor are they at the office hanging out in highchairs with their Blackberries.

Seriously guys...

I can't tell any of you apart.

I know what you are saying,

"Their names are right next to their pictures, duh."

You think I read? Ha!

I don't. I'm not even typing this, I have a chimpanzee who transcribes everything for me.

I look at the pictures, thats what they're there for. duh.

But no, now I gotta pay extra close attention to see who's baby bump that is.

Why you gotta make my life harder?

My chimpanzee types 100 words per minute, but it can't use a mouse for sh*t.

I'm sorry your adorably scrunchy faced baby doesn't look enough like you for me to know its you.

Don't get me wrong, I want to look at your child's pictures. I will look at every last one of them, and then not comment. Cause, I am that person.

My point is: I'm not friends with your kids, I'm friends with you.

And maybe someday I'll meet your kidlet before it goes to college. But I'm not promising anything.

I should be working for NASA, or National Geographic.

2010-04-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

What I am about to show you is basically the biggest scientific discovery since Pluto was demoted to star status.

sadface.

Dear Pluto,
You will always be
a planet in my heart.
Love, Me

Anywhoozle <----yes, that is straight up science lingo.

This is a MuskOx...

They live here in Alaska.

We are like neighbors.

These are Banthas...

...from Star Wars.

They live on Tatooine...aka Alaska post-Global Warming.

I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that means that Star Wars is based on real life.

So long Winter, thanks for all the snow.

2010-04-19T20:20:00.000-08:00

FINALLY! The snow is melting.

I thought Winter was never going to end, seeing as the last week or two we've been having crazy blowing snow and blizzard conditions.

(this was in my work parking lot)

Now I am living in a giant Slurpee full of dirty and gravel.

mmmmmmm Slurpee.

(you can't tell but that tire track is like 5 inches deep)

Anyways, if I have to live in a slushee for a week or two in order to get some green up in here, I think I can handle it.

You don't realize how much you miss green and even brown, when all you've seen is white for 7 months.

Since the sun rises at -I don't what time, cause its up before I am- and stays out til' well after 11pm, it's really starting to warm up... and by warm up I mean it was 42 degrees out yesterday and Dan was wearing shorts.

Last night we went to a friends house and instead of hopping in the rickety van, we grabbed our helmets and hopped on the four-wheeler.

It's nice when you don't have to dress like you're going on an arctic expedition just to go outside.

In fact, it even makes Nome seem a little tiny bit normal. If you consider driving a four-wheeler around town "normal".

We really didn't go outside much this Winter.

Cable and Netflix will do that to ya.

Dan did go on a few snowmobile rides...

and I, well, I stayed inside. Like all Winter.

Can we say "Cabin Fever"?

Now I am super excited about going outside,

but I don't want to go anywhere out in the country...

because I hate peeing outside.

However, I do like going to the beach and putting my feet in the sand...

oooh yeah...I'm just gonna pretend that I'm on a tropical island. heh.

Raise your hand if you forgot to be an adult today....

2010-04-17T13:50:00.000-08:00

*raises hand*

What has two thumbs, and forgot to apply for the PFD?

I know! Who the F forgets to sign up for free money?!

this guy, I already told you.

That's right. My second year eligible to get a permanent fund dividend aka free freaking money for Alaskans,
and I missed the deadline.

My husband didn't.

But I did.

Because sometimes I forget I am an adult.

Did my husband remind me to apply?

Yes.

And what did I tell him?

"Duh. I already applied, I'm not retarded."

and then I started thinking. Maybe I didn't.

I couldn't remember.

I vividly remember doing the online application last year.

So on April 6th I got this nagging feeling that I should check online to see.

What did I find?

Nothing.
and the deadline was March 31st.

I cried.

And then, I cried harder.

Cause then I had to tell Dan.

It was almost as scary as that time I hit his snowmobile with the truck, and he was like "You're the one who broke it? I knew someone hit it!" and I was like, "Dude, No. I just hit it like 20 minutes ago, you haven't even see it yet. You're not clairvoyant."

But not as scary as the day before my birthday when I hit his coworkers truck with the van.
While I was parking. ....Go me.

Or like the time I forgot to send in the reimbursement form for my insurance, so my credit card ended up paying my eye doctor bills.

Oh right, still haven't told him that. whoops.

Srsly, this man has some incredible patience with me. With every situation he has stayed calm and let me know that it was all gonna be okay. Except for the insurance thing, cause I still haven't told him.

Really. Who put me in charge of all these important grown up thingys??

*head desk*

Cardio. Just in time for the Apocalypse.

2010-04-10T22:15:00.000-08:00

After my last exercise post
I realized I really need to get in to shape.
Badly.
Basically because I am afraid of Zombies.

I don't wanna be that dude...yea the fat dude with the fro.
Please. No.

I hate running.
Hell, I don't even really like walking but some of us can't afford
that Segway dealy-o and let's face it, the Segway is so un-cool.
I don't care how environmentally friendly it is.
It's for freakin nerds.
I digress.

I refuse to run on treadmills.
Treadmills hurt my boobs...
That's right, my boobies.
Because it doesn't matter how many sports bras I am wearing,
my girls are straight up not built for running.
I'm not sure duct tape could even help with this kind of technical difficulty.

So I am all about the Elliptical.

I have been trying to go to the gym on a more consistent basis.
I work out on the Elliptical for 30-45minutes.
And then I work on some strength training and ab stuff...
yadda yadda yadda...

My question is:
Is this Elliptical going to help me escape a possible Zombies apocalypse?
I mean, are they chasing me up a hill?
Are we running up a flight of stairs?
and if so, where do these stairs lead?
They better be leading me into a freaking plane
so I can fly the H outta crazy-zombie-town.

Seriously. Things that make you go...
brrrraaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnssssssssss

Iditarod: The Mardi Gras of the North

2010-03-19T06:55:00.000-08:00

The hotels are crowded and the streets are filling up...and by filling up I mean getting drunk.
They've dumped all the snow the road crews have worked so hard to clear all winter, right in the middle of Front Street.

Idita-whaaat 2007

[chipmunk face for the win....not.]

That's right, its Iditarod time. Or as I like to call it Idita-wheredidallthesepeoplecomefrom.

I received our handy-dandy Iditarod Events Calendar in the mail. woohoo *insert sarcasm*

I mean, really. What better way to celebrate a dog sled race than with wet t-shirt contests and drunken karaoke!?

Gosh I love Nome....we are totes classy.

There's also Beer Tasting, a Husky Hoe Down, Safe Sex Party, Make Your Own Bikini, and a bunch of other lame-tastical events you will eventually file under "Things I Regret" and/or "Things My Jackass Friends Shouldn't Let Me Do".

I know, right? To be honest, the Iditarod is only cool the first time you see it....unless you really love dog sled racing, then I'm guessing its the bee's knees. But, for most of us who live here in Nome, it turns out to be more of an excuse for the drunks to get drunkier. And let me tell you, they were plenty drunk before.

Also, there are way too many people in the Post Office.

Most Iditarod "events" are sponsored by one of the bazillion bars we have or by a church that is just trying to even things out. yea, good luck with that. I have yet to attend any Idita-parties, wet t-shirt contests, or beer tastings. and I don't plan on it.

However, I did drag my butt down to Front Street to video tape (for your viewing pleasure) the winner, Lance Mackey, hitting the finish line. Please enjoy the shotty camera work, editing, and lack of visuals due to my being "vertically challenged". I should have just taped it from the safety of my office balcony. Crowds are so overratted.

No video? Your computer must totally suck.

Psych! I am just totally lame-o and haven't uploaded it.

Sorry.

(Your computer probably doesn't suck.)

Oh that reminds me... I am so excited for that siren to go off in the middle of the night. Ode to joy.

Go Iditarod!

ps...I will never have a job in tourism. Can you tell?

pps...Dog Sled Racing is crazy awesome...emphasis on the crazy! Go Mushers!

I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for your opinion...aka I'm an adult, you can't tell me what to do...aka Back the eff off....aka This is a really long and mean post title.

2010-03-09T07:00:00.000-09:00

Some people. The nerve. Really. I mean, really?!

The other day I had a guy come in my office for some super secret printouts. While he was waiting for my thumbprint/retina scan/voice recognition clearance to approve, he spied the sweet delicious nectar innocently sitting on my desk. And the next thing I know, I am getting lectured by some punkass kid about how bad my can of Rockstar Energy is. This is how it went down...

Ridiculous Guy: "Those things are SO bad for you, they make people look old. Like they age people."

Dude, I look 12, how is this supposed to convince me to not drink them?

Me: *blank stare*

Ridiculous Guy: "Yea, there is an ingredient that they out lawed in Canada. You should drink Red Bull. Red Bull doesn't have that ingredient so its better for you."

Me: *eye twitch*

Are you frackin' kidding me? Who are you? Do you own stock in Red Bull? Get out of my office before I stab you in the face!

Ridiculous Guy: "I just thought you'd like to know, since you're a girl and girls worry about that stuff."

what the H!?

He seriously rambled on and on for a good 6 minutes and 37 seconds. Another 7 seconds and the switchblade in my sock would have made friends with his eyeballs.

What's interesting, is that's not the first time this has happened to me.

I drop by the gas station/convienence store/crack dealer most mornings and grab an energy drink before I head to work.

So one morning, the girl behind the counter decides she is going to do her "good deed" for the day, and inform me -a customer...who is giving her money- that "those are really bad for you".

Oh my gosh! Thank you for telling me! I almost spent my hard earned money is this here store, the store that pay you to sell people stuff. I apologize. Excuse me while I round house kick you in the face!

Just sell me the can of crack, and shut your face hole.

If I bought a pack of cigrettes would you turn into one of those Truth commercials and tell me how evil tobacco companies are and how I'm going to die a slow miserable death?

No. Because thats not your freaking job. Your job is to smile and sell me stuff.

Scan it, bag it, and shut it.

[note: I don't smoke. You can breathe easy, I know you were worried.]

So what gives complete strangers the right to dole out health advice to innocent unsuspecting people that carry weapons in their socks?

I mean, at least my friends have moved on from the initial "Dude, those things will kill ya." to just planning my funeral.

Dust In The Wind, people.

My last request.

Play it and I will be one happy corpse.

I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I say "yes" to hugs and "no" to drugs. So just cool it people. I read the warning labels...I'm not a child, I'm not pregnant, I'm definitely not nursing, and I'm obviously not sensitive to caffeine. Let me have my carbonated drink of happiness!

Now go watch Intervention and see what real addiction is.

Peace!

Phallainophobia...I'm not making this up.

2010-02-11T07:00:00.000-09:00

I have a irrational fear of Whales.

Its a straight up phobia, I tell you.
One that is totally recognized by psychologists. So its totally legit.

phallainophobia
(I don't even know how to pronounce that, but in my mind, it sounds kinda dirty)

How do I know this?

Our roommate googled it.

I mean, I wasn't going to google it. I'm not stupid. Google shows pictures... pictures of Whales! Why would I subject myself to something I know will cause me to see pictures of whales. ((shudder))
Thats one of the things I am afraid of!

I can't look at pictures, cartoons, video footage, anything that has whales... Whale tail? No freakin thank you. Whale bones? EWW! They give me the willies!! (pun totally intended)

So our roommate wanted to test this theory by finding picturess of whales on the internet and then tricking me into looking at them. How freakin evil is that?

How did my evil roommate find out, you ask?

It all started when we were watching Hot Fuzz.

Have you seen Hot Fuzz?

Yea, neither have I, cause I turned that shizz off. But before I realized the evil that is Hot Fuzz, I was subjected to a scene involving a beached whale. I screamed, I'll admit it. Come on, it was a whale...on land! Its like they are coming to get me!

That reminds me. What was that one movie with Will Smith where he throws the beached whale back into the ocean? That's right, I don't know, because I refuse to watch it, seeing as that was the part they decided to show in the previews. Smooth move, preview maker dudes.

I could go on and on about all the movies and tv shows that I refuse to watch because of whales. Like, the Planet Earth movie. Everyone says its such an amazing movie....blah blah blah. Well, I won't be seeing it, because there is a whale on the dvd cover, and thats like a big ol' warning sign that says, "Whales Ahead, Turn Back Now"
So what is it about whales that gives me the chillies up my spine and nightmares?

Maybe its because they are gigantic and they live in the ocean, and they are gross, and they could swallow me whole, and they have barnacles and its just ((shudder)) so nasty! And I don't discriminate, I hate all whales equally. Shamu can suck it. I hate Free Willy, being all creepy in the darkness of the auquarium just waiting for that kid to see him ..gah! The whales in Happy Feet make me wanna cry, how dare they attack my precious penguins! Ponocchio was swallowed by an evil whale, Jonah was too. I don't care what you say, I will always feel this way. I hate it when they jump out of the water and come crashing back down in a "this is how I could crush you" sort of way, I don't wanna see their stupid whale tails splashing around. Their nasty blow holes blowing snot all over people. It's disgusting, they should be embarrassed.

Living in Alaska has made this fear worse. There are pictures and artwork everywhere... bones, baleen, beached whales! I'm telling you, they are coming for me!
My husband goes crabbing out on the sea ice, and I refuse to go, because I saw that little video on the internet of the Eskimo that gets eaten by a whale, while ice fishing. No freakin' way am I going out there when there's whales under the ice waiting to attack the moment you stand over them!
(calm down, I know its fake, but it still scares the shizz out of me)\

So there you have it. My greatest fear. Whales. Scarier than clowns, spiders, darkness, zombies, and sharks.

Childhood Icons {Barbra Streisand}

2010-02-09T07:00:00.000-09:00

I grew up listening to Barbra Streisand.

My mother would play her albums constantly,

believe me I am not complaining...

I loved it.

I remember listening to my mom sing along with every song,

and soon enough I knew every songs too.

Streisand is not only one of the most magnificent voices of all time,

but one of my fondest childhood memories with my mom.

(me, doing my best "Barbra")

I owe a lot of my musical influences to my mom.

Not only did she introduce me to Streisand, but also

Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Judy Garland, and even Queen.

Among others.

One of my favorite things to do
is watch her early performances.
She has this extraordinary passion when she sings.

Here are a few of my favorites found on youtube.

Goosebumps every time.

Mom and I used to sing this duet around the house, all the time...

We had this album on tape...

I'm surprised I never wore that poor little tape out.

This was my favorite song.

A Star is Born...fantastic movie! And Barbra is rockin that afro!

{We totally could have been the greatest thing since The Judds. just sayin.}

If you're my mother in law, you probably shouldn't read this. If you're my mother, how'd you find my blog? Nevertheless, consider yourselves warned.

2010-02-05T17:00:00.000-09:00

I am having a break though...

An epiphany, if you will.

I am not a responsible adult.

I truly understand why God hasn't sent me a cute little bundle o' responsibility.
Because, keeping people alive is hard. And keeping them alive and happy...holy crap that's almost impossible. From what they're wearing, to eating, watching, or playing, I can pretty much guarantee you I am going to get it w-r-o-n-g ...wroooong. Basically, I suck at taking care of children. I mean I can change a diaper, and make sure its not on backwards. I can feed them and make sure they don't choke to death. If they spit up everywhere, I can clean it up. But as an actual responsible caregiver, I suck.

They break a bone, I vom. bleeding wounds, I vom. Throw up non-baby food, I vom.
You want popcorn and soda for dinner? Sure, lets get you each a bag and a 2 liter, now go sit in front of the TV and be quiet. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is on? Sweet, pass the popcorn! What time are you supposed to go to bed? Midnight? Oh hey, me too!

Who would leave me in charge? I mean, really?!

One thing I am good at is making children cry. Seriously, if they gave out medals for "the best grown-up to make a child cry" I would be a gold freakin medalist. Why? Because I am mean, and completely unsympathetic. Why are you crying? Stop crying. You're gonna choke on your cocoa puffs if you don't stop crying. Stop it. Stop. It. Stooooooop! Seriously! Stopbeingalittlecrybaby!

Need I say more?

So how do you tell your friends that after babysitting their kids for a week, you never ever want to have children ever? Like 'afraid to have sex' don't want children. True story. I'm taking a vow of celibacy, because there is no way I am giving God a chance to send me a little surprise via my belly just so he can point and laugh and say, "Gotcha!! Bwahahahaha!" Seriously, He will have to use immaculate conception in order for me to pop out a screaming crying demanding little human, and I am pretty sure that only happens to virgins. amiright?!

Don't get me wrong, I love children. They are cute, cuddly, entertaining, and wear adorable miniature people clothes, but they always go back to Mom and Dad when I am done teaching them gang signs and swear words....as it should be. Because I am an awesome Aunt. Nothing more.

At this point, my husband totally agrees...only because he hasn't heard the "no sex" part. And because he thinks its a phase, and that next week I will want a baby again. Because every time before this time, I did want a baby a week later. But every time before, didn't include a week of insanity caused by three very well behaved yet extremely exhausting children. Three children who can dress themselves and are completely potty trained. Imagine if I was babysitting an actual baby...I would be asleep on the keyboard, possibly drooling. Thats why this time will be different. I am in it to win it. And the grand prize doesn't include diapers and sippy cups. Maybe the sippy cups, I do tend to spill...a lot.

So, no more baby talk from me. You probably don't know this -cause I never talk about babies here- but in real life babies are all I talk about. It goes a little something like this, "blah blah awww cute wittle baby blah blah blah i want one now blah blah blah cute pregnancy clothes blah blah little onsies blah blah blah rubber ducky." Annoying right? Well no more, my friends! From now on when someone asks me, "When are you guys having kids?" instead of saying, "Oh we're trying" or "Its not as easy as it looks." I will just say, "We are not growing any humans here!" -while pointing at my stomach- "No baby zone, got it?!"

Everyone says its different when its your own ~~soul sucking~~ adorable children, but I'm not willing to take the risk to find out. I think we will just stick with living vicariously through our friends and their kids.

Death by Aerobics...

2010-01-30T21:49:00.002-09:00

I went to the gym on Monday.

Just on Monday.

I mean, I don't want to seem like an overachiever or anything.

Not only did I go to the gym, but I went to a class.

A class where you spend an hour watching someone really skinny bounce up and down and tell you what to do.

Yea, that kind...the worst kind.

The thing I hate the most about taking any type of exercise class is that I don't want to give up. Even when my lungs are burning and my face looks like a tomato, and I'm sweating so much that I look like a drown rat. I don't want to stop, because I'm not the only one there. I don't want to be embarrassed, and if these other women can do it, so can I.

I mean, I am 23 years old, I am young and spry. Right?

Wrong.

These women kicked my trash so hard. And I did stop, multiple times. Because, I decided that passing out or puking during Step Aerobics would be much more embarrassing than just taking a breather.
Trust me. Puking after a workout is no bueno. Although it may help me lose weight faster...I might have to reevaluate my workout technique.

And you know what, Exercise balls are heavy! I know, right! They are filled with air for crying out loud. But when you've been working out non stop for 45 minutes and then you have to hold this huge ball in front of you while you do a little "grapevine" dance back and forth...that shizz gets heavy!

Never have I so badly wanted to be on an elliptical machine in my life! Oh sweet kind wonderful elliptical. I miss you and your non-threatening difficulty levels, and your cup holder that I use for my ipod that doesn't have the dance mix of Mamma Mia playing. Seriously, how can I stay motivated if some rapper isn't telling me to "shake my ass"?

The answer is: I cannot.

I hate the gym. But where else am I going to work out? At home? Outside?

Definitely not outside...its like a billion degrees below zero outside...people that exercise outside in the winter are suicidal. The end.

Home is the worst place to work out for several reasons but two stand out in my mind....

1. My computer is at home, so there's no way I'm going to look at my computer and then look at my workout dvd's and say, "Oh I think I'll jump around in the living room and get all sweaty, when I could be sitting on the comfy couch with my laptop and cheetos."

and

2. My husband and our roommate are always home. I'm definitely not going to bounce around and get all sweaty in the living room with an audience. No thank you!

I will conquer the gym if its the last thing I do....which it will be, cause I'm pretty sure the gym is gonna kill me.

I don't wanna be bear food {Part two: The Mental Evaluation}

2009-12-30T16:24:00.000-09:00

You wanna know when you SHOULDN'T buy a particular house?

When you think "Hey, I would never in my right mind be able to live here...but it would be great material for the blog!"

*slaps self*

Self, are you frackin' retarded?

Srsly, why? Why would I ever think that was okay?

"Oh let's buy this house and document all the crazy eff'd up shenanigans that are sure to ensue."

Am I drunk? On drugs? Suicidal?

No, maybe its the cabin fever setting in.

Which leads to my next question...
if I've already got cabin fever, why would I want to move to a cabin!?

Sure, the idea of living out in "the country" with our little herb garden and wood heated hot tub, sounds all picturesque and adorable... in the summer. But I am pretty sure that house is under 10 feet of freakin' snow right now. Being trapped in the wilderness sounds like a blasty blast to me.*rolls eyes*

Dan and I were discussing it, and looking at the online listing and suddenly it hit me like a flying race car tire to the face...

There is no freakin' POTTY!

Noooooo indoor pooper.

That just sealed the "no frackin way" deal!

Not no way, not no how!
(Yea, I was just watching the Wizard of Oz. Don't hate.)

[yea it looks all cozy, but what you don't realize is

those bushes are so people don't see you pee'ing outside.]

I mean, maybe if there were trees I would consider it.

*slap*

Or maybe not.

Christmas + Cookies = Rabid Cookie Hoarder

2009-12-29T12:30:00.000-09:00

I baked cookies for Christmas. I didnt give them to any one,
cause I'm kind of a selfish biotch.
But the intent was there. That counts right?

I had never made them before, and it just happened to be the recipe on the back of the Ghirardelli White Chocolate Chip bag.
Yeah, Ghirardelli... we mean business in this house.

So if you would like to try out these
double chocolatey cookies o' goodness...

Here's the recipe...make 'em yourself.

Happy Holidayz.

Double Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

4 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup Dutch Cocoa (I used Hersheys, ain't no big thing)
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups butter (one pound), softened
1 cup sugar
1 1/3 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/2 cups white or dark chocolate chips or chunks (Ghirardelli)

Directions:

This size batch is large (48-50 regular size cookies) and will fit in a 5-6 quart Kitchen Aid type mixer. If you have a smaller mixer, divide this recipe in half.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Check your oven temperature to make sure it is accurate.
Line baking sheets with parchment paper or spray with vegetable shortening.
In a large bowl, combine flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt together and set aside.
In a large mixing bowl with a beater attachment, beat butter until creamy.
Add sugar and brown sugar and beat together until light and fluffy. Scrape down sides of bowl.
Add eggs, one at a time and beat again. Add vanilla. Scrape again.
Blend dry ingredients into butter mixture 2 cups at a time, mixing after each addition.
Add white chocolate chips and nuts if desired. Mix only until blended.
Using a cookie scoop or Tablespoon, measure out cookies and place on prepared baking sheets leaving some space between them.
Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes or until slightly firm. Do not over bake.
Place cookies on rack to cool completely before storing in an airtight container.
Yields 48 cookies, more or less depending on the size.

Ps...They were pretty much delicious.

I don't wanna be bear food {Part I}

2009-12-13T23:40:00.000-09:00

WewannabuyahouseinNomeohmahgawdthisisgonnasuck.

This is what I am thinking.

Apparently being eternal renters, who never have to fix broken appliances, or frozen pipes, or pay for cable, or paint the walls, is a bad thing. Who knew?

Truly, I am fighting a losing battle here.

I realize my argument against buying a house is fueled by my paralyzing fear of living in Nome Alaska for forever. Because, as you all know: Once you buy a house somewhere, you can never leave! I mean when I hear the words "25 year mortgage" my throat closes up, and my heart constricts in my chest and I get an all out panic attack.

.....someone hand me a paper bag while I put my head between my knees. Thanks.

I know that is a bit irrational seeing as people sell houses all the time, but buying a house is a big freaking deal. There's paper work and inspections, credit checks and anal probes. I mean, this is serious business. Serious, grown up -dare I say- adult business. Who in their right mind would categorize me as a grown up? I still haven't decided what I wanna be when I grow up! I've still got high hopes for either a ballerina or a country singer.

I digress.

So here we are, discussing buying a house.

In Nome.

And we are looking at the listings...

Do you know how much houses cost?!? Holy crap, why don't I just hand over my first born child, and sacrifice a baby goat or... twelve. Sheesh!

Anyways, so Dan has made it clear that we are probably not buying any of these houses we've checked out, cause lets face it, we don't even know if our credit is grown up enough to buy a stinking overpriced ice shanty. So we are just looking. And this could be a good thing, I think.

Because...
This is our time to figure out what we can and cannot live without. I say "without" because I can live with a lot, but I can't live without much.

My poor husband wishes I was an outdoorsy, hiking, camping, loves to pee outside, rifle toting woman. When in reality, I am an E! News watching, online shopping, only sleeps and pee's indoors, city girl.

He knows this. This isn't new.

I also don't consider myself high maintenance. Give me my iPhone, straighting iron, a toilet, and a pantry full of cheetos, and I am pretty much content.

Seriously, It doesn't take much to keep me happy.

But when we start talking about houses with no shower, or cell phone service, surrounded by bears and moose...THAT right there is when we've crossed the line of acceptable living.

Dan says, "That's why we have guns."
Excuse me, I don't shoot animals, Dan.
I only shoot people. Duh.

I mean, really? What is this The Little House On The Prairie?
What's next? Make the kids a ball out of a pigs bladder?
No freakin' thank you!

Dear Loving Husband,
I know that you think I am brave because
I moved all the way to Nome Alaska, but I am not,
that was just straight up foolishness...foolishness!
Love, Me.

Things I am excited about... and other random ramblings about myself.

2009-12-08T06:00:00.000-09:00

My new eye glasses...
They are so win!
Merry Christmas, eyes!

I seem to have neglected my eyes for the last oh... 5 years.

And this video pretty much sums it up....

A Hair Cut

Yes, a haircut. I get joy out of the little things, what can I say.

I mean who doesn't get excited about a haircut?

Okay, there's those ladies with hair past their butts that haven't cut it since the 70's, and somehow end up on What Not To Wear, because not only do they have 30 years worth of hair growth they also still wear clothes from the 70's. And that shizz only works if you're a cast member of That 70's Show. Or maybe they haven't cut it since the 80's and still get it permed and wear stonewashed mom-jeans that go up to their boobs and sweatshirts with disney character appliques on the front and built in turtle necks. Cause you can never have too many Mickey Mouse Christmas turtleneck sweatshirts. I mean, you should never own a Mickey Mouse Christmas turtleneck sweater, it makes Stacey and Clinton cry, hard. Yes, even harder than than the lady who's hair gets chopped into a bob by Nick Arrojo, who, lets be honest, needs a freakin hair intervention.

No wonder these women cry when he tells them he is cutting their hair, its like being told your makeup artists for your wedding day is a clown....a zombie clown. ((shudder))

...this has gone on way too long.

The point is, I need to get my hair cut. Its ridiculously long and out of control. Srsly, it just needs some help.

I recently -as in two months ago- dyed my hair back to brunette because someone....Dan, said he like it better dark. What was I supposed to do? Ignore him? I was in shock that he even gave me an opinion that didn't sound like "whatever you want." or "its your hair." which sounds a heck of a lot like, "I don't care." So yes, I took back the two boxes of bleach blonde, and came home with dark brown. But really, I wish my hair looked like this...

yea that would freaking rock!
...what? you mean to tell me thats not a professional hair style?
Why can't I be like the chick on NCIS?? *stomps foot*

3.
The gym.
okay thats a lie. I am not excited about the gym. In fact, I loathe the gym. However, I love the results you get from the gym, if you are disciplined enough to go every day...which I am not. I even begged Dan for a membership, saying I would go all the time...and I have gone twice. That was in July. I also asked him to buy me the Yoga Booty Ballet dvds...I've used them 4 times. That was last December. Its not that I don't like those workouts, I just can't work out when people are home, and thats like all the time. I have a workout ball too. Its been deflated for the last 8 months. Why am I telling you all this? Well, I just want you all to know that when I become the size of a house, I didn't want this and that the intent to be skinny was there...somewhere.

Random thought of the day:
-Who needs an iPhone case when you have a bra?
It looks like my boob is a freakin iPod. "oh hold on, let me turn down my iBoob."

Two Year Anniversary {Road Trip}

2009-08-24T23:00:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was our two year wedding anniversary. We were super excited to have the day off together, and we prayed all weekend that it would be nice out. The weather did not disappoint. In the morning, we ate breakfast and watched the photo video of our first two years of marriage I made. *collective interweb "awww"*

Then we set out on our road trip.

Side note: These couple of pictures were taken a week or so ago.

We've always wanted a picture of us among the Fireweed.
Its so beautiful.
We don't look too bad ourselves.

You can never have too many self-portraits!

OKAY....are you ready for it?
This is our Anniversary Adventure...

33 miles out from Nome, is the Train to Nowhere...

Dan is driving that train... like a boss!

Pocket Edward is such a copy cat...
He was jealous that I was spending so much time with The Hubster.
Silly plastic vampire.

Council is 72 miles from Nome...
the drive is spectacular.

All the roads are gravel and really bumpy,
I like to drink large beverages when I go on these trips...
makes life much more exciting!

After all that tundra, magically TREES APPEAR!

LOOKY! MORE TREES!

Woah, a BIG TREE!

Look at all the glorious trees!

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO MR. TREE

Hey now! Slow down trees! I wanna hug you!!

While I was admiring all the beautiful trees,
all the soda I drank kicked in.
We decided it was time for a break, and lunch.
....and I had to pee...OUTSIDE! dun dun duuuuuuun.
Good thing there were TONS of trees and foliage around...
cause there ain't no freakin way I am gonna pee out in the open. just sayin.
Moving on....

After we stopped and ate...and pee'd.
We decided it was time to head back home.

On our way back, we saw a whole herd of caribou on the road.
They were headed right for us, so we slowed
and I grabbed the handy dandy camera.
BUT some jerkface coming the other direction scared them off
in the nanoseconds it took my camera to turn on.

Here's a couple pictures of the stragglers...

They were looking right at us,
until they saw the camera...then they bolted!
What do I look like?
The paparazzi?

Don't go Bambi!

We also got to see some cute little duckies...
"here ducky ducky duckies!"

Where'd all the trees go???
Looks like we're back to the flat tundra of Nome.

Well that's all folks!

We rocked out to the iPod,
spent 5 straight hours talking
and just enjoying each others company.
It was awesome.

THE to the END!

{Sharing Time}

2009-06-16T10:00:00.001-08:00

This is Dan...

(In that suit he rivals even the hottness of Rpattz. yea, I said it!)
I am one lucky chick!

~Fun Facts~

1.
I am a spoiled brat...
I know its hard to believe, but its true.

Dan surprised me with ~~my precious~~ an iPhone.

(who said you can't buy my love? just kidding....kind of)

It wasn't even my birthday!

2.
Dan packed me a lunch the other day.
Wanna know what was in it?
Too bad, I'm gonna tell you anyways. ;)
A banana, a fruit cup, a pudding snack, a hot pocket,
a hand full of Oreos, and a bottle of juice.
True story.
Does that not sound like the

lunch of champions or what?
You know what would make that lunch even better?

yep! I WANT! But I'm gonna wait for the "New Moon Lunch Boxes"
Cause I want one with Jacob on it.
Plus, Edward looks creeptastic in that picture.
just sayin'.

4.
Dan humors me while I take pictures of

my plastic Edward doll.
He is truly 2nd hand embarrassed.
Especially when it's at, let's say, an airport or something.
Nope, never done that at an airport. Nope, not me.
("Bear, you tasty!")

5.
Speaking of Airports...
Did I mention Dan just got an awesome job

with Alaska Airlines?
No? Well he did!! YAY!
~~I am gettin' the H outta Nome!~~
Eventually I will get to fly for free!!

weeeeeeeeeeee!
I'm gonna take pictures of Edward at every airport possible!!
I mean, I would never.

6.
Deep frying makes EVERYTHING better!
Dan agrees, and thats why we are

M.F.E.O...made for each other.
We seriously just discovered that

deep frying corn dogs is heavenly!
I don't know why we even have a microwave or oven...
I swear everything we eat now can be deep fried!
That can't be healthy!
"Hey Hey Billy, can you deep fry the Buick?"

"Sure can, but he'll probably pu-ick!"

--------------------------------------------------

Well kiddos, thats it for Sharing Time.

Now, it's time for snacks and a nap.

The End.

A City Girl in Rural Alaska

2009-06-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

have finally decided on a name for my blog. I think it describes my blog perfectly! Seeing as Dan and I both have our own blogs, I changed it from "Dan and Kim" which to be frank, was totally boring to "A City Girl in Rural Alaska" Sometimes you just need to switch things up for a fresh new look and feel.

I have been blogging since Dan and I got married, but only sporadically. I am hoping to post more frequently with much more interesting things. Summer is here in Nome, and we are hoping to go on many adventures this summer. We have yet to spend an entire summer in Nome because we usually end up going on vacation for a month. This year we don't have any plans on leaving during the nice weather.

If you wanna see what we did last summer go here and here. To see some great winter moments go here and here.

Check back often for new adventures and shenanigans from the middle of nomewhere.

KG out.

Summer is here...

2009-05-23T15:23:00.001-08:00

and other things I thought might never happen!

1.
Dreams really do come true!

This is me taking the infamous
"myspace bathroom mirror picture"
That shiny little white beauty I'm pointing at is my iPhone!
The "Best Husband Award" goes to....DAN!
True Story.

"iPhone, You are my life now."

2.
This is me being a rockstar behind the wheel
after I successfully parallel parked for like the 5th time in 20minutes!
That brown building behind me is the famous Board of Trade Saloon aka The B.O.T.
Famous for giving away the most regrettable nights and sometimes curable diseases!
seriously...DON'T go drinking here.
just sayin. =D

(YAY! I finally know how to parallel park!)

okay so this picture, that looks like a frozen-slushee ocean...
yea thats the ocean! for realz!
actually its a "Sea" but whatevs...technicalities.
During the winter the Bering Sea just freezes the heck over...
yea! Hell freezes over here! I know no one thought it was possible,
but it is and it does.

That black dot in the middle is a seal,
like the scary one that tries to eat Mumble in Happy Feet!
(I close my eyes during that part...and the whales part...tooooo scary)
anywhoozle...

4.
Its officially summer now that the ice has blown out on the Bering Sea.
Its been sunny blue skies, and everything is melting!
Here is a picture of our apartment I took the other day when I was walking home.
Edward wanted to be in the picture!
Check out the lake...er puddle.
Soon enough things will be all nice and green!

The End

Domestic Diva

2009-04-10T06:51:00.000-08:00

Wednesday night I made baked potatoes for dinner. Since, I usually have a hard time baking potatoes (and just cooking in general) I decided to do what I do with everything....I googled it! I found howtobakeapotato.com which shows you step by step what to do. I made three large potatoes, and it took about an hour and a half to bake them. The skin was nice and crunchy, and they popped open beautifully! They were seriously scrumdiddleyumtious!! The guys were totally impressed! heck, I was impressed! I just may be domestic afterall! wish I would have taken pictures.

friday's ice capades

2009-04-06T11:15:00.000-08:00

I bought new shoes! They are FANTASTIC! And on sale! I have been wanting a pair of sneakers that were not white, but not black either. Behold! I found super cute brown and teal Adidas! They are so comfortable, and I don't want to wear anything else. Despite the fact that there is still tons of snow and ice.

my new kicks!

So, Friday I wore them to work, because that's how I roll.
After work I decided to treat myself to some Subway (shh, don't tell the hubster) since I have been walking home from work all week. I made it safely to Subway which is located about halfway between my office and home.
I ordered my usual "Chicken Bacon Ranch on Monterey Cheddar" *drool* so good!
I filled up my soda cup with Root Beer, and threw my chips and sandwich in my messenger bag, out the door I went.
Let me tell you that Subway has a steep parking lot, which is inevitably covered in snow and ice.
In my ZEAL to get home and devour my most precious sandwich I walked briskly down this slippery-slope of a lot to the road when...

WHAM!!

my butt was on the ground! I biffed it hardcore!
Although my cat-like agility didn't help me from falling...
My Vampire reflexes saved my soda! oh yes! not a drop was spilt!
I sat on the snow in awe!
Luckily no one was around to say anything, though I am sure the car that zoomed past had a good laugh at my expense.
I'm fine, no worries...

*nom nom nom nom*

I made it home without any more accidents.
Later that night when Dan got home from work I told him what happend and all he said was "Well, guess you better be more careful next time"
Ugh. Thanks for the love babe.
(he still doesn't know it was all because I went to Subway for dinner. It was so worth it though)

=D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

2009-03-31T18:36:00.000-08:00

"Happy birthday to me, I am now twenty-three, I still feel like a chiiiild...happy birthday to ME!"

(Thanks fam...I am enjoying my special day, now that Edward Cullen is here!)

I finally received my 3-disc DELUXE edition of Twilight!!
I was singing "happy birthday to me!" the whole time I was in the post office!
Now I have it on my computer and on the iTouch for "Twilight-on-the-go"

Today was great!
I got to sleep in because my boss is awesome and let me have the day off.
I got to go out to lunch with some friends...Thanks Nisi and Robert!
Twilight came in the mail today...hooray!
And!! Marcy came over with pink birthday cupcakes and watched the twilight special features with me!

Yesterday was great too!
I got to sleep in because it was "Seward's Day" (state holiday) woot woot!
I got to go to lunch with friends (Nisi and Robert) and the hubster!
Went to dinner at Subway with Dano, Eric, Lindsay and Scott (who got me these super cute love coupons)
And!! saw "Push", which was awesome!

The end.

Liquid-Crack

2009-03-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

I love ROCKSTAR Energy Drinks...srsly. I imagine they could possibly kill me if I drank them everyday for the rest of my life, but I can quit at anytime...I just choose not to. I usually buy the "Double Strength/Double Size" can. I have never even seen a "Single Strength/Single Size"! Do they exist? Maybe I should GOOGLE it...

okay I am back. And yes, apparently they have "red bull size" 8 oz. Rockstars...but that just ain't enough for me.

I read this every time I drink one... their slogan on the side of the can...

"Bigger. Better. Faster. Stronger. ROCKSTAR is the world's most powerful energy drink. Enhanced with the potent herbal blend of Guarana, Ginkgo, Ginseng and Milk Thistle, ROCKSTAR is scientifically formulated to provide an incredible energy boost for those who lead active and exhausting lifestyles–from athletes to rock stars. Enjoy this fully refreshing lightly carbonated beverage super chilled."

(then I proceed to sing "Stronger" by Kanye West to myself)

I do not lead an exhausting lifestyle nor am I an athlete or rock star, however, I do need something to keep me from using my keyboard as a pillow when I'm at the office. So every morning I go to the grocery store and grab a ROCKSTAR. The cashier always asks "is this everything for you?" and I reply "yes, just the liquid-crack, thanks." and all is right in the world.

On Wednesday that is not how the deal went down.

I walked in and this is the convo that followed...

cashier: Hey, we're all out.

me: what? (looks in cooler...spies only "sugar free 24 oz.") *shudder*

cashier: want me to check the back?

me: YES. I want the big black one! (thats what she said!)

me: *pacing*

cashier: umm yea they are all gone.

me: *crushed* ...ugh.

then I proceeded to grab a stupid sugar free 24 ouncer that makes me feel like a tweeker...seriously. oh crappy day.

The End.

I need an iPhone!

2009-03-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

I bought Dan an iTouch this past Christmas, and now I am totally jealous! But I have decided I don't just want an iTouch... No, I want an iPhone! Because, although I can read my blogs, twitter, FB, and watch YouTube when I am at home connected to the WiFi...I want to be able to do it all wherever I go!! I have this awesome laptop I use when I am at home...but I need something on-the-go!

So, my mission objective is to talk the hubster into letting me get an iPhone.

"what are you doing?"
twitter-twitter-twitter-twitter ...
trying to keep up on all the twilight news!

Twilight Party

2009-03-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

At 7:30am on 3/21/09 I sprang out of bed and made my way to the local Safeway to swipe a copy of Twilight from the rental department. I was the first person there....and the only person there for twilight. (I was fully prepared to take down any tween who got in my way...and their parents) I will have to wait about a week for my 3-disc special edition to get here, and we just couldn't wait that long!

Once I got the "goods" we set out to PARTAY!

We took a roadtrip to Forks, Washington (Kim's house) to celebrate Twilight DVD Release Day!

Taylor*, Kristen, and Rob joined us for dinner. ; )

The table was beautiful! and the menu was great!
(click photo to zoom in on menu)

Lindsay and I had so much fun making this cake. Homemade chocolate cake (baked by me) and decorated by Lindsay.

A few of the gals eating dinner... Thresia, Aly, Marcy, and Lindsay

Goodies...Twilight Saga candy bars, and stupid chocolate lambs...

Each candy bar had a different quote from each book.

All smiles after watching our favorite vampires!
(left to right) Marcy, Me, Kim, Lindsay, Alyssa.
(Marcy is representin' with the Coke!)

Close up on my awesome twilight tee

I had a hard time photographing my backside...hehe

I love Movie Jacob!

I've got lots of kisses for Rob/Edward!

Our party was PERFECT! We all had so much fun! And I look forward to wearing out my DVD when it gets here.*Edit: I changed Jacob to Taylor after my friend Lynn wrote the following on my FB wall...

"I thought it was funny that you said that Jacob, Kristin, and Rob came for dinner.
Jacob being the only character from twilight and the other two being the actors."

Oops! Even funnier since I like Taylor Lautner way more than "Jacob"!

Dan's adventure to iditarod checkpoint

2009-03-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

Snowed In!

2009-03-08T18:18:00.000-08:00

Here's a quick little video to show everyone what the weather has been like here the past couple weeks.

oh, to answer Tiffanie's question...Church was cancelled, and I didn't go to work til' noon on Monday. Dan walked to work at 7am (his normal time). The whole town shuts downs basically. The grocery stores close and everything. We just stayed at home and played guitar hero all day Sunday. Now the road crews are out in full force.