Friday, January 27, 2012

Will you find me?

Things that happened this week...

1. 
My partner-in-crime and I launched our new blog...
 Bestie To Bestie
we are beyond funny.


2. 
Daily Grace is my new favorite youtube channel.
Hilarious! and be sure to watch her original review. classic.


3.
and this is happening...
Filmed in Nome Alaska (oh hai I live there.)
I'm not gonna name drop or anything but
I TOTALLY KNOW SCOTT AND IAN.



4.
The husband and I have been watching Gilmore Girls all week.
my brain has basically melted from witty dialogue overload.


5.
Ingrid Michaelson's new record "Human Again" dropped on Tuesday.
aaaand I've been crazy obsessed with this song since.


Friday, January 20, 2012

Hey Girl

Sometimes I get the theme song from New Girl stuck in my head...
but I sing my name at the end instead of Jess.


and then I pretend I'm super cute and adorkable like Zooey Deschanel for the rest of the day.




Am I the only one who does that?

Yea, I didn't think so.

Monday, January 16, 2012

everybody loves whales...

False.

there are plenty of people who hate whales.

I know this because I'm president of the "nuke the whales" club.

which is precisely why they had to rename that Big Miracle movie.

sure, it was actually filmed in Alaska opposed to Canada...which like never happens,
because we all know The Fourth Kind was filmed in the least Nome-looking town ever.

it's like they weren't even trying.

Anyways.....I can never see this movie.

I can't even watch the movie trailer without becoming paralyzed with fear.

that preview pops up outta no where and I scream like I was just stabbed in the face.

I mean, they don't even ease into it.

just ...BAM! WHALE! first scene on the screen.

It's terrifying!

I would rather watch all the Saw movies with my eyes tapped open than watch a movie about whales.

I may need psychiatric help.

Monday, January 9, 2012

we're still finding feathers everywhere...

Oh twilight. You've had my heart in a choke hold for almost three years, but I think I'm finally over it.
Sure, I spent a million dollars to fly to Anchorage just to watch a vampire and a human get pregnant on the first try and to see a bunch of werewolves talk like an overacted Disney cartoon, but I think I am over it.

Don't get me wrong, I was super excited to watch Breaking Dawn Part 1 while we were sitting in a theater full of teenage girls and their boyfriends who I'm sure were promised a few less-than-chaste favors in return for sitting through a movie about sparkly vampires.

It could have been the Sheet I had just taken or the pocket loaded with feathers ready to launch during a certain headboard-busting scene that made it that much more exciting. But once the sheet-talk wore off and my feather buzz was gone, I was left with an "eh." feeling. When I saw New Moon I wanted to watch it twice a day. It was beautiful and funny and heartbreaking...not so much with Breaking Dawn.

I am just so ready for this series to be over, and yet they keep dragging it on and on. Do we seriously have to wait another year to see the conclusion? Even the Harry Potter peeps knew that was a terrible idea. Why is twilight trying to kill me? And more importantly, who is totally psyched to see The Hunger Games?

At the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn we had to watch at least a hundred movie trailers.
There was one person in the audience who would yell at the screen every time a new trailer began, saying
"just show us twilight already!" until The Hunger Games preview began...and a collective squee was heard and then silence. We had seen it before on youtube, but nothing compared to seeing it on the big screen.
That countdown at the end give me chills every time.



I miss that feeling with twilight.

....oh wait, twilight never gave me that feeling.



ps...I may or may not have seen Breaking Dawn three more times when it came to Nome.

stop judging me.

Monday, January 2, 2012

everything I know about turkeys I learned from cartoons and movies

this year my husband's work gave everyone a turkey for Christmas.

which in my opinion is a pretty awesome gift.

except, I've never cooked a turkey before.

I mean, I've seen people cook turkeys before, it can't be that hard.

people, deep fry them for crying out loud.

I can do this.

mistake number one: not unthawed in time for Christmas day dinner.

that's okay. I made pizza instead.

mistake number two: attempting to prepare a turkey without adult supervision.

yes, I did this on my own, not including the ridiculous phone call my mother received.

Monday morning I was bound and determined to cook that damn bird.

Dan was fast asleep, having stayed up far too late playing his new Assassin's Creed game.

I said to myself, "self, we can totally have this turkey in the oven before the man wakes up. and heck let's make sweet rolls for breakfast too."

after I made the sweet rolls, I told that turkey he was going down.



I got everything set up. the roaster, the bag, paper towels next to the sink for sufficient patting down.
I was set to go.

sure, I talk big when the turkey is still in it's nice tight packaging.

but once that bird was free of it's restraints, that's when the real battle began.

first, I am physically grossed out by raw poultry.

second, I am equally grossed out by anything still resembling it's living form.

so you can only imagine my feelings towards an uncooked turkey.

also, bones gross me out.

I should have videotaped the events that unfolded because it was gold, and I don't think I can really explain it in words.

now, I'm not completely clueless. I knew there were things that needed to be done.

first, the bag of guts needed to go. so I located it easily, pulled it out and promptly threw it away.

I didn't even look inside the bag.

why they don't just throw this stuff away in the turkey factory is beyond me.

later I found out that those guts are not only edible, but something my husband enjoys. oy vey.

the neck was next on the list. one problem, I didn't know where it was or what it looked like.
I searched each end of the turkey to no avail.

this resulted in a phone call to my mother. she never imagined receiving such a hysterical call....about a turkey.

she laughed at me. a lot.

she laughed her way through the steps of finding the neck, which some genius thought should be stuck in the tail end of this thing. the moment I saw it I gagged a little.

phone still to my ear, I grabbed a pair of tongs and ripped it from the turkey's butt.

I swear to you it's like something out of an Alien movie.

I threw it in the sink, prepared to never speak of it again.

but according to my mom, you're supposed to cook that too.

fine. I threw it in a little pan and said the man can take care of that thing later.

for fear that my phone would end up in the turkey, I told my mom goodbye and hung up.

mistake number three: as I was rinsing out the 13 pound turkey, I started to imagine what it looked like when it was alive.

that was probably the biggest mistake, because once I started I couldn't stop.

I became progressively more disgusted. the bones, the flesh, the wings, everything.

as I write this I can still smell raw turkey. it will stay with me forever.
like some sort of post traumatic stress syndrome.

I just kept telling myself, "you are a grown up, you are a grown up, you can do this."

finally I patted it dry and shoved it into the bag.

I had earlier tossed the string it came with aside, not knowing or caring what it was for. I just wanted to butter it up and get it in the oven so I could wash my hand of this weirdness and go back to reading my Mindy Kaling book.

after I got it in the oven I realized, the little pop up thermometer thingy was missing.

damn you, Butterball. like I own a meat thermometer. please, I'm barely an adult.

my biggest fear.

mistake number four: trying to carve a turkey while it's still in the aluminum roaster, may cause damage to said roaster.

seeing as I didn't use the turkey lifter string (seriously?) we and by "we" I mean Dan, tried to carve the turkey whilst it was still in the pan.

of course, I just stood there watching him and posting turkey pictures on facebook.

when suddenly I realized there were turkey juices everywhere.

Dan had cut a hole in the roaster and it was leaking. awesome.

we managed to salvage some of the broth (for what? I don't know, cause I buy pre-made gravy. obviously.)

while Dan was doing his Patriarchal duty of carving the turkey, I made the stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy.

when we finally sat down with our plates of food, we took a couple bites, looked at each other and said, "I'm not really hungry."

and that my friends, is why you don't cook an entire turkey for two people.

my first and only turkey. boom.


I've eaten enough left over turkey to last me a lifetime.

the end.