Thursday, October 6, 2011

I'm going to need heavy sedatives for this.

It's that time of year again, where I head in for my annual try-not-to-gag-for-an-hour-while-two-people-shove-things-in-my-mouth check up.

(this could go one of two ways...)

I'm talking about the dentist, people.

I'm laying there wishing I could move my mouth enough to say, "Can we get a little suction up in here? I'm drowning!"

My face is numb for the next, I dunno, 3 days, and every time I try to eat I feel like I'm choking to death.

Did they shoot the Novocain straight into my neck? what the hell?

Every time they ask me if I have problems with any of my teeth I fear that if I mention anything they are going to try and rip them out of my face.

My wisdom teeth for example.

I seriously need those.

For like, wisdom-y things and stuff.

Also, I have this weird fear of holes in my mouth.

According to the x-rays, which I've taken the liberty of examining -using my vast knowledge of dentistry, obviously.

and I've come to the conclusion that my teeth are coming in just fine and dandy. thankyouverymuch.

No need to go pulling out perfectly good teeth.

Now, the dentist, on the other hand, thinks we should just get those pesky teeth out of there, before they become an issue.

Why are we automatically assuming there will be an issue?

Why you are making my teeth feel bad about themselves?

"Well, we can pull them, but you'll be awake the whole time."

Excuse me, what?

"We don't us IV Sedation when we pull wisdom teeth."

I need to leave now before I wake up in a bathtub of ice and my internal organs are missing.

Seriously? When did my life become a Saw movie?