Saturday, September 3, 2011

was I not just saying I hate being outside?

sometimes I love saying I live in Alaska.

it's a great conversation started.

and it makes me seem way more interesting than I really am.

but really, I am boring.

when I'm not at work, I like to be at home.

I don't want to go hiking or fishing or anywhere farther than the distant between my couch and the kitchen.

and yet, somehow, I was coerced into going on a hike last Saturday.

not only was I coerced, but I was greatly deceived.

I was told, it was an easy hike and super fun.

that's like saying a root canal or pap smear is super fun.

I'm beginning to think my friends are masochists.

for those of you who live in the real world, hiking usually includes a trail.

this hike had no such trail.

and it was up hill...both ways.

I wish I was exaggerating.

oh, and did I mention it was all tundra?

tundra = uneven, spongy, rocky, unwalkable ground.

basically I spent four hours in hell.

hours and hours of walking/climbing with no end or bathroom in sight.

that is my nightmare.

I saw no animals while we were hiking.

not even a bird in the sky.

I'm assuming because they know it freakin' sucks balls out there.

after what seemed like a hundred years later we reached the waterfall.

the whole reason why we were even "hiking".

and let's just say it was less than impressive...and size really does matter.

seriously, my husband proposed to me at Snoqualmie Falls.

Dorothy Falls wishes it could be Snoqualmie Falls when it grows up.

okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh, but if that waterfall wanted me to love it, it should have made itself a little easier to on the side of the road.

once we reached this wannabe-waterfall, we collapsed sat down while everyone ate their packed lunches.

did I mention I hardly ate or drank anything for fear that I would need to go to the bathroom?

I was pretty much the walking dead.

how I didn't lose 10 pounds on this death hike is beyond me.

somehow I managed to make the trek back to our cars, but the details are all a bit fuzzy.

I remember picking berries with Marcy on the way back.

but really it was just an excuse for me to stop and rest every few feet.

as we wandered the vast tundra, we would periodically find Dan, sitting patiently waiting for me to catch up.

I'm sure by the end he was wishing he had married a long legged hiking enthusiast.

but for me it was comforting to know he hadn't forgotten about me.

I know he was just praying that he wouldn't have to call in a search and rescue.

On the way home I told him, "I hope you are proud of me, cause you will never ever EVER see that again."

There pictures floating around somewhere that prove I did actually make it all the way there and back.

If I find said pictures, and I don't look like a fat zombie, I will update this post.

Until then, you know where to find me.

(on the couch, watching E! News.)



  1. I will be on the couch with you...eating sweet and spicy popcorn!

    Friggin crazy butts leaving us with no trail, no help...I walked an extra mile to find some kids who got lost!

    Must I repeat myself?!? I already LIVE in the middle of nowhere...I have no desire to go FURTHER into nowhere!

  2. You wimp! I'm a fat, out of shape, middle aged guy, and I thought it was fun -- even though all the little kids beat me up the hill. --Rick


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