Thursday, September 29, 2011

apparently moms can resist the Schweddy balls...


I recently saw a post about the new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor, Schweddy Balls.


of course I snort-laugh...I love that SNL skit, it's so... festive


This group of OneMillionMoms (you can find their link in the post I linked above) want people to write to Ben & Jerry's and ask them to not release another batch of this totally offensive ice cream flavor.

If that's offensive, why is no one attacking the Karmel Sutra flavor?
...probably because that shizz is da bomb and bee-yotches be gettin' shanked if that is ever pulled from the shelves. the end.

I wish I could say I am surprised that people would be offended over something so silly, but then I remember... people are idiots.

Of course, this group of "moms" don't just protest ice cream, they also get all crazy offended about tv shows and magazine ads.

*sigh*...do they not have anything better to do?

Honestly...

If you don't like it, don't buy it.

Just like, if you don't like what's playing on TV, change the channel.

That's why God invented Parental Controls.

I hate Teen Mom and The Secret Life of an American Slut Teenager...


but instead of wasting my time with boycotts and petitions and all that crap, I just change the channel and watch something that is entertaining and completely inoffensive, like Chelsea Lately or How I Met Your Mother.





Tuesday, September 6, 2011

my milkshake

[scene]
Dan brings me homemade chocolate shake that I begged him to make...

me: *singing* my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...mumble mumble...I'd teach you but I'd have to charge.

me: "Did you spike this with Nyquil?"

Dan: "Should I have?"

me: "Naw, you don't have to secretly drug me, I'll take it willingly.

Dan: ...

me: That's what she said.

Dan: ...

me: am I talking to myself here? ...I think I am.

Attention returns to milkshake and singing ...my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...








...I may or may not be doped up on cold meds. just sayin.

Monday, September 5, 2011

I never read the books






We finally saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II on Saturday.

It felt like an eternity waiting for our tiny movie theater to show it.

I plugged my ears and sang "la la la" anytime someone mentioned the movie.

Everyone and their dog knew how it was going to end.

because they all read the books, of course.

Even my husband read the series in the weeks leading up to it's release.

but I stood my ground.

I wanted it to be a surprise.

I was never interested in reading the books.

The movies were just fine with me.

I had an idea of how it was all going to go down.

I didn't think I would cry.

but behind those giant 3D glasses, I may have shed a tear or two.

and then I left the movie theater not feeling closure.

no, I left with a hole in my heart and a desire to read the books.

because I didn't already have a stack of books to read.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

was I not just saying I hate being outside?

sometimes I love saying I live in Alaska.

it's a great conversation started.

and it makes me seem way more interesting than I really am.

but really, I am boring.

when I'm not at work, I like to be at home.

I don't want to go hiking or fishing or anywhere farther than the distant between my couch and the kitchen.

and yet, somehow, I was coerced into going on a hike last Saturday.

not only was I coerced, but I was greatly deceived.

I was told, it was an easy hike and super fun.

that's like saying a root canal or pap smear is super fun.

I'm beginning to think my friends are masochists.

for those of you who live in the real world, hiking usually includes a trail.

this hike had no such trail.

and it was up hill...both ways.

I wish I was exaggerating.

oh, and did I mention it was all tundra?

tundra = uneven, spongy, rocky, unwalkable ground.

basically I spent four hours in hell.

hours and hours of walking/climbing with no end or bathroom in sight.

that is my nightmare.

I saw no animals while we were hiking.

not even a bird in the sky.

I'm assuming because they know it freakin' sucks balls out there.

after what seemed like a hundred years later we reached the waterfall.

the whole reason why we were even "hiking".

and let's just say it was less than impressive...and size really does matter.

seriously, my husband proposed to me at Snoqualmie Falls.

Dorothy Falls wishes it could be Snoqualmie Falls when it grows up.

okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh, but if that waterfall wanted me to love it, it should have made itself a little easier to find...like on the side of the road.

once we reached this wannabe-waterfall, we collapsed sat down while everyone ate their packed lunches.

did I mention I hardly ate or drank anything for fear that I would need to go to the bathroom?

I was pretty much the walking dead.

how I didn't lose 10 pounds on this death hike is beyond me.

somehow I managed to make the trek back to our cars, but the details are all a bit fuzzy.

I remember picking berries with Marcy on the way back.

but really it was just an excuse for me to stop and rest every few feet.

as we wandered the vast tundra, we would periodically find Dan, sitting patiently waiting for me to catch up.

I'm sure by the end he was wishing he had married a long legged hiking enthusiast.

but for me it was comforting to know he hadn't forgotten about me.

I know he was just praying that he wouldn't have to call in a search and rescue.

On the way home I told him, "I hope you are proud of me, cause you will never ever EVER see that again."


There pictures floating around somewhere that prove I did actually make it all the way there and back.

If I find said pictures, and I don't look like a fat zombie, I will update this post.

Until then, you know where to find me.

(on the couch, watching E! News.)

peace.