This is my attempt at being domestic.
Friday night I baked a couple dozen heart shaped sugar cookies.
I'm going to start out by saying that I cheated (as I usually do) and used store bought sugar cookie mix.
Because how could I possibly screw this up?
And I know how to make icing, this is gonna be easy peasy.
Saturday morning I woke up and was ready to tackle step two... icing and decorating.
Attempt number one:
self: oh this is so much fun! I could totally be a baker!
whip egg whites. check.
add sugar. check.
have husband taste test. check.
Dan: it's a little grainy, did you sift the sugar?
Me: no, the recipe didn't say i needed to sift it.
Dan: I always sift powdered sugar. you did use powdered sugar right?
Me: oh my gosh! I used granulated sugar! why would I do that? I am so retarded!
*bangs head on wall*
Dan: it's okay, baby, it's just early. you're not awake yet.
....Of course, then I was out of eggs and my truck refused to start in the -23 degree weather.
So I said screw it, and swore off baking for ever.
Attempt number two:
*husband returns from store with eggs and an energy drink*
self: okay, you can do this. show that icing whose boss.
While separating the egg whites I dropped the yoke of egg number four into the bowl of whites...
[on the phone with my mom]
Mom: oh no, she said sh*t, it must be bad.
Me: I just broke the yoke into the whites, oh my gosh not again!
Mom: maybe I should go, you need to concentrate.
Me: Mom, I'm baking, not driving a car for pete's sake. why is this so hard?!
I fished out as much of the yoke as possible, said screw it and finished making the icing.
My poor mother had to suffer through the entire icing process., I may have scarred her for life.
My kitchen looks like cupid puked all over it.
|these cookies can burn in a fiery valentine's hell.|
those f'ers were so not worth the trouble.