Sunday, February 13, 2011

Why I should never wake and bake...

(that's probably the best blog title I have ever had. I should just stop right there.)

This is my attempt at being domestic.

Friday night I baked a couple dozen heart shaped sugar cookies.

I'm going to start out by saying that I cheated (as I usually do) and used store bought sugar cookie mix.

Because how could I possibly screw this up?

And I know how to make icing, this is gonna be easy peasy.

Saturday morning I woke up and was ready to tackle step two... icing and decorating.

Attempt number one:

self: oh this is so much fun! I could totally be a baker!

whip egg whites. check.
add sugar. check.
have husband taste test. check.

Dan: it's a little grainy, did you sift the sugar?

Me: no, the recipe didn't say i needed to sift it.

Dan: I always sift powdered sugar. you did use powdered sugar right?

Me: oh my gosh! I used granulated sugar! why would I do that? I am so retarded!

*bangs head on wall*

Dan: it's okay, baby, it's just early. you're not awake yet.

....Of course, then I was out of eggs and my truck refused to start in the -23 degree weather.

So I said screw it, and swore off baking for ever.

Attempt number two:

*husband returns from store with eggs and an energy drink*

self: okay, you can do this. show that icing whose boss.

While separating the egg whites I dropped the yoke of egg number four into the bowl of whites...

[on the phone with my mom]

Me: sh*t!

Mom: oh no, she said sh*t, it must be bad.

Me: I just broke the yoke into the whites, oh my gosh not again!

Mom: maybe I should go, you need to concentrate.

Me: Mom, I'm baking, not driving a car for pete's sake. why is this so hard?!

I fished out as much of the yoke as possible, said screw it and finished making the icing.

My poor mother had to suffer through the entire icing process., I may have scarred her for life.

My kitchen looks like cupid puked all over it.

finished product:

these cookies can burn in a fiery valentine's hell.

those f'ers were so not worth the trouble.


  1. Aw! But they are sooo cute! You're so much better than I am. I don't even bother with homemade icing. I just buy the kind at the store and add some food coloring. So you're already my hero! <3

  2. I'm impressed! Was there any fire involved in the process? If not, you're winning.

  3. Those aren't so bad looking. I cheat... I use Wilton's meringue powder instead of egg whites.


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