Tuesday, May 4, 2010

If I get any fatter the Natives may mistake me for a whale.

And that is why I am on a diet.

Because I don't want to get harpooned.

That would suck.

Oh and because of zombies.

But more because I don't want a bunch of Native Alaskans to mistake me for a beached whale and try to take me back to their island to feed their entire village.

Can you imagine?



I quit all caffeine and all sodas. *collective interweb gasp*

I've pretty much been a homicidal maniac for the past 3 weeks.

But I'm actually feeling pretty good.

What I don't understand is why it has taken me so long to do it.

I'm actually kind of pissed at myself.

I've let this get way out of hand and I didn't realize it till I started seeing pictures of myself.

Between the weight gain caused by competitive eating a.k.a marriage and just straight up eating whatever I want because I want it and can afford it, I've easily gained 25 pounds since I moved to Alaska.

And no, my extra fat does not keep me warm like a walrus on cold winter nights.

Although, my husband would disagree.

I'm like a human heat blanket.

Obviously that is why he married me.

Also, why is it that healthy food is always so expensive, and junk food is cheap?
I mean, everything here is expensive, but produce tends to be on the verge of death by time it gets here,
and I am a sucker for anything microwavable or covered in powdered cheese.

I seriously ate half a bag of cheetos for dinner Sunday night.


In other words...
I will be at the gym, starving to death and hiding from the harpoons.

...that pretty much sums it up, folks.


  1. I do approve wholeheartedly. However, I maintain you are NOT a whale, but I think you should watch out when at the airport (that seems like a scary place... not gonna lie). Why I said that, not sure... but it does concern me that you might go there and get molested... just sayin'.

    Also, I think everyone should get in better shape due to zombies! We can no longer deny that one day it WILL happen and we can pretend that plants will save us but let's live in reality shall we? Yaknowwhati'msayin?

    FAFL for ever!

  2. Oh hello this blog.. I only just discovered you existed!! It's pretty, I like :)

    *sending you lots of motivation from Australia*

    Good luck, *Channels the voice from an Adam Sandler movie (I think The Waterboy)*

    You can do it!

  3. Very funny! We're starting a new challenge over at Lose It Bitch. (www.loseitbitch.blogspot.com) Come check it out!!!

  4. I think I should start a diet, also. I wouldn't want to be harpooned, should I visit Alaska & well the zombie thing goes without saying...(the plants won't save us, just watch "The Happening" for 'proof.'of that :)

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  5. Hi! I'm Genevieve! Found you on SITS and so glad I did! What a awesome blog you have! You made me LOL which rocks! I feel exactly the same way! Now a follower!

  6. Good for you on curtailing the soda! It made such a difference for me. I've been soda free for the most part for over a year now.

    I absolutely love that card. It SO perfectly sums it up.

    Thanks for stopping by!


Leave me a comment, or the Polar Bears will get you...