Because I don't want to get harpooned.
That would suck.
Oh and because of zombies.
But more because I don't want a bunch of Native Alaskans to mistake me for a beached whale and try to take me back to their island to feed their entire village.
Can you imagine?
I quit all caffeine and all sodas. *collective interweb gasp*
I've pretty much been a homicidal maniac for the past 3 weeks.
But I'm actually feeling pretty good.
What I don't understand is why it has taken me so long to do it.
I'm actually kind of pissed at myself.
I've let this get way out of hand and I didn't realize it till I started seeing pictures of myself.
Between the weight gain caused by competitive eating a.k.a marriage and just straight up eating whatever I want because I want it and can afford it, I've easily gained 25 pounds since I moved to Alaska.
And no, my extra fat does not keep me warm like a walrus on cold winter nights.
Although, my husband would disagree.
I'm like a human heat blanket.
Obviously that is why he married me.
Also, why is it that healthy food is always so expensive, and junk food is cheap?
I mean, everything here is expensive, but produce tends to be on the verge of death by time it gets here,
and I am a sucker for anything microwavable or covered in powdered cheese.
I seriously ate half a bag of cheetos for dinner Sunday night.
In other words...
I will be at the gym, starving to death and hiding from the harpoons.
...that pretty much sums it up, folks.