Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I remember when myspace and facebook were all drunken snapshots and emo bangs.

Now all I see are babies, preggo bellies and engagement rings.

Are my friends getting old?

The answer is yes.


Because, I'm still sixteen ...okay maybe seventeen.
I have had my license for almost a year now. <---truth.
(fine physically I am 24 but mentally I am still 16.)

I even have the infamous hold-your-cameraphone-above-your-head-and-look-up-while-standing-in-the-bathroom-emo-myspaceyourface picture on my profile. I may or may not be wearing an Edward Cullen tshirt in said photo.

I'm still posing like an emo, while everyone else on FB is either pregnant or has just given birth like ten seconds ago (according to their status update).

To be honest...
It's starting to confuse me.

How am I supposed to know who's "totally bored at work" or who's "going to the beach" when my live feed looks like I've been friend requesting newborn babies?

I don't think those babies are taking themselves down to the beach for a crawl in the sand, nor are they at the office hanging out in highchairs with their Blackberries.

Seriously guys...

I can't tell any of you apart.

I know what you are saying,

"Their names are right next to their pictures, duh."

You think I read? Ha!

I don't. I'm not even typing this, I have a chimpanzee who transcribes everything for me.

I look at the pictures, thats what they're there for. duh.

But no, now I gotta pay extra close attention to see who's baby bump that is.

Why you gotta make my life harder?

My chimpanzee types 100 words per minute, but it can't use a mouse for sh*t. 

I'm sorry your adorably scrunchy faced baby doesn't look enough like you for me to know its you.

Don't get me wrong, I want to look at your child's pictures. I will look at every last one of them, and then not comment. Cause, I am that person.

My point is: I'm not friends with your kids, I'm friends with you.

And maybe someday I'll meet your kidlet before it goes to college. But I'm not promising anything.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I should be working for NASA, or National Geographic.

What I am about to show you is basically the biggest scientific discovery since Pluto was demoted to star status.


Dear Pluto,
You will always be
a planet in my heart.
Love, Me

Anywhoozle <----yes, that is straight up science lingo.

This is a MuskOx...
They live here in Alaska.
We are like neighbors.

These are Banthas...
...from Star Wars.
They live on Tatooine...aka Alaska post-Global Warming.

I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that means that Star Wars is based on real life.

Monday, April 19, 2010

So long Winter, thanks for all the snow.

FINALLY! The snow is melting.

I thought Winter was never going to end, seeing as the last week or two we've been having crazy blowing snow and blizzard conditions.

 (this was in my work parking lot)

Now I am living in a giant Slurpee full of dirty and gravel.

mmmmmmm Slurpee.

(you can't tell but that tire track is like 5 inches deep)

Anyways, if I have to live in a slushee for a week or two in order to get some green up in here, I think I can handle it.

You don't realize how much you miss green and even brown, when all you've seen is white for 7 months.

Since the sun rises at -I don't what time, cause its up before I am- and stays out til' well after 11pm, it's really starting to warm up... and by warm up I mean it was 42 degrees out yesterday and Dan was wearing shorts.

Last night we went to a friends house and instead of hopping in the rickety van, we grabbed our helmets and hopped on the four-wheeler.

It's nice when you don't have to dress like you're going on an arctic expedition just to go outside.

In fact, it even makes Nome seem a little tiny bit normal. If you consider driving a four-wheeler around town "normal".

We really didn't go outside much this Winter.

Cable and Netflix will do that to ya.

Dan did go on a few snowmobile rides...

and I, well, I stayed inside. Like all Winter.

Can we say "Cabin Fever"?

Now I am super excited about going outside,

but I don't want to go anywhere out in the country...

because I hate peeing outside.

However, I do like going to the beach and putting my feet in the sand...

oooh yeah...I'm just gonna pretend that I'm on a tropical island. heh.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Raise your hand if you forgot to be an adult today....

*raises hand*

What has two thumbs, and forgot to apply for the PFD?

I know! Who the F forgets to sign up for free money?!

this guy, I already told you.

That's right. My second year eligible to get a permanent fund dividend aka free freaking money for Alaskans,
and I missed the deadline.

My husband didn't.

But I did.

Because sometimes I forget I am an adult.

Did my husband remind me to apply?


And what did I tell him?

"Duh. I already applied, I'm not retarded."

and then I started thinking. Maybe I didn't.

I couldn't remember.

I vividly remember doing the online application last year.

So on April 6th I got this nagging feeling that I should check online to see.

What did I find?

 and the deadline was March 31st.

I cried.

And then, I cried harder.

Cause then I had to tell Dan.

It was almost as scary as that time I hit his snowmobile with the truck, and he was like "You're the one who broke it? I knew someone hit it!" and I was like, "Dude, No. I just hit it like 20 minutes ago, you haven't even see it yet. You're not clairvoyant." 

But not as scary as the day before my birthday when I hit his coworkers truck with the van.
While I was parking. ....Go me.

Or like the time I forgot to send in the reimbursement form for my insurance, so my credit card ended up paying my eye doctor bills.

Oh right, still haven't told him that. whoops.

Srsly, this man has some incredible patience with me. With every situation he has stayed calm and let me know that it was all gonna be okay. Except for the insurance thing, cause I still haven't told him.

Really. Who put me in charge of all these important grown up thingys??

*head desk*

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cardio. Just in time for the Apocalypse.

After my last exercise post
I realized I really need to get in to shape.
Basically because I am afraid of Zombies.

I don't wanna be that dude...yea the fat dude with the fro. 
Please. No.

I hate running.
Hell, I don't even really like walking but some of us can't afford
that Segway dealy-o and let's face it, the Segway is so un-cool.
I don't care how environmentally friendly it is.
It's for freakin nerds.
I digress.

I refuse to run on treadmills.
Treadmills hurt my boobs...
That's right, my boobies.
Because it doesn't matter how many sports bras I am wearing,
my girls are straight up not built for running.
I'm not sure duct tape could even help with this kind of technical difficulty.

So I am all about the Elliptical.

 I have been trying to go to the gym on a more consistent basis.
I work out on the Elliptical for 30-45minutes.
And then I work on some strength training and ab stuff...
yadda yadda yadda...

My question is:
Is this Elliptical going to help me escape a possible Zombies apocalypse?
I mean, are they chasing me up a hill?
Are we running up a flight of stairs?
and if so, where do these stairs lead?
They better be leading me into a freaking plane
so I can fly the H outta crazy-zombie-town.

Seriously. Things that make you go...