Thursday, February 11, 2010

Phallainophobia...I'm not making this up.

I have a irrational fear of Whales.

Its a straight up phobia, I tell you.
One that is totally recognized by psychologists. So its totally legit.

(I don't even know how to pronounce that, but in my mind, it sounds kinda dirty)

How do I know this?

Our roommate googled it.

I mean, I wasn't going to google it. I'm not stupid. Google shows pictures... pictures of Whales! Why would I subject myself to something I know will cause me to see pictures of whales. ((shudder))
Thats one of the things I am afraid of!

I can't look at pictures, cartoons, video footage, anything that has whales... Whale tail? No freakin thank you. Whale bones? EWW! They give me the willies!! (pun totally intended)

So our roommate wanted to test this theory by finding picturess of whales on the internet and then tricking me into looking at them. How freakin evil is that?

How did my evil roommate find out, you ask?

It all started when we were watching Hot Fuzz.

Have you seen Hot Fuzz?

Yea, neither have I, cause I turned that shizz off. But before I realized the evil that is Hot Fuzz, I was subjected to a scene involving a beached whale. I screamed, I'll admit it. Come on, it was a whale...on land! Its like they are coming to get me!

That reminds me. What was that one movie with Will Smith where he throws the beached whale back into the ocean? That's right, I don't know, because I refuse to watch it, seeing as that was the part they decided to show in the previews. Smooth move, preview maker dudes. 

I could go on and on about all the movies and tv shows that I refuse to watch because of whales. Like, the Planet Earth movie. Everyone says its such an amazing movie....blah blah blah. Well, I won't be seeing it, because there is a whale on the dvd cover, and thats like a big ol' warning sign that says, "Whales Ahead, Turn Back Now"
So what is it about whales that gives me the chillies up my spine and nightmares?

Maybe its because they are gigantic and they live in the ocean, and they are gross, and they could swallow me whole, and they have barnacles and its just ((shudder)) so nasty! And I don't discriminate, I hate all whales equally. Shamu can suck it. I hate Free Willy, being all creepy in the darkness of the auquarium just waiting for that kid to see him ..gah! The whales in Happy Feet make me wanna cry, how dare they attack my precious penguins! Ponocchio was swallowed by an evil whale, Jonah was too. I don't care what you say, I will always feel this way. I hate it when they jump out of the water and come crashing back down in a "this is how I could crush you" sort of way, I don't wanna see their stupid whale tails splashing around. Their nasty blow holes blowing snot all over people. It's disgusting, they should be embarrassed.

Living in Alaska has made this fear worse. There are pictures and artwork everywhere... bones, baleen, beached whales! I'm telling you, they are coming for me!
My husband goes crabbing out on the sea ice, and I refuse to go, because I saw that little video on the internet of the Eskimo that gets eaten by a whale, while ice fishing. No freakin' way am I going out there when there's whales under the ice waiting to attack the moment you stand over them!
(calm down, I know its fake, but it still scares the shizz out of me)\

So there you have it. My greatest fear. Whales. Scarier than clowns, spiders, darkness, zombies, and sharks.


  1. I love your writing style. I never realized how creepy those things are! Good for you for picking your own fear and not letting anyone talk you out of it.

  2. Interesting! My sister has an irrational fear of birds!

    Great blog :)

  3. OMG! I have exactly the same fear!! Whenever I even think about whales I shiver! My friends think I'm weird... I'm not the only one now! lol!!

    Haha, this comment is almost 3 years later xD


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