Monday, November 29, 2010

Mix Tape

Today I am participating in the Interactive Post from the super popular blog Why Not? Twilight, Rpattz, and Me. If you are a fan of Twilight, Robert Pattinson, or just straight up hilarity at its finest, definitely go check out the blog. and tell my home-girl Amcas, "The Boss" sent you.

Your mixtape should be ten tracks long and consist of five tracks on each side.
Side ‘A’ should represent the positive, happy bits.
Side ‘B’ should represent the not so happy bits, but end on a good note.
You can choose whether or not to explain your song choices.

When you are finished, choose a way to share your tape with us:
1. Make a comment listing your tracks/artists.
2. Make a blog post on your blog and give us the link.
3. Make a mixpod play-list with your tracks and give us the link.



Track one: a song that you think represents your life/view on life at present.
Track two: a song that makes you think of your favorite person at present.
Track three: a song that represents your love life at present.
Track four: a song that always cheers you up.
Track five: a song that you will always associate with a good memory.

Track one: a song that makes you think of your least favorite person, past or present.
Track two: a song that represents your love life in the past 1-5 years.
Track three: a song you love, but can’t listen to without feeling sad.
Track four: a song that you will always associate with a negative memory.
Track five: a song that inspires you to power through the bad and make the most of life.

Here is my mix tape, I like to call it:
"the mixed up musings of me"
(catchy, I know.)

Side 'A'

Track one:
a song that you think represents your life/view on life at present.
Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson
 I just want to be okay. I think everyone does. This is such a simple song,
but it works when I am feeling down, or having a bad day at work and it gets stuck in my head.
I just think to myself... "I just want to be okay today."

Track two:
a song that makes you think of your favorite person at present.
Not The Same - Ben Folds Five
My bestie introduced me to the wonderment that is Ben Folds last year. 
I used to listen to this song constantly, and it always makes me think of her.

Track three:
a song that represents your love life at present.
The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
"If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
Cause I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am."

Track four:
a song that always cheers you up.
Daylight - Matt and Kim
Not only does this song make me think of my bestie, but it always cheers me up with its happy
and vibrant sound. You can't hate this's against nature.

Track five:
a song that you will always associate with a good memory.
The Power of Love - Huey Lewis and The News
Back To The Future + Huey Lewis = Sparkle hearts! 
My husband and I love these guys.

Side 'B'

Track one:
a song that makes you think of your least favorite person, past or present.
Blinded - Third Eye Blind
my ex-boyfriend's favorite band. need I say more?
For the record, I love Third Eye Blind, but this song in particular makes me think of my ex.

Track two:
a song that represents your love life in the past 1-5 years.
This was our wedding song.
Only Hope - Switchfoot
"I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Track three:
a song you love, but can’t listen to without feeling sad.
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
There's no real explanation needed for why this song makes me sad. Just listen. 

Track four:
a song that you will always associate with a negative memory.
Strings That Tie To You - Jon Brion
During my break up with my high school boyfriend, I was obsessed with
Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. I watched it everyday, and listened to
the soundtrack constantly. Now I can't watch it or listen to it, even though I love the movie..

Track five:
a song that inspires you to power through the bad and make the most of life.
This is Not a Test - She and Him
"For those of us who try to keep remembering,
Try to do our better than our best.
Think of all the children in the drifts of snow.
Winners never quit, but winters never rest.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I just died from cuteness overload.

Is this not the cutest effin' thing you've ever seen?
*heart melts*

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I am thankful for youtube

I wanted to share a few videos clips that have inspired me this week.
or maybe they just made me laugh. either way, enjoy.

1. my hero....Ingrid Michaelson
Ingrid is beautiful, talented, and has a fantastic sense of humor.
basically, she is my new BFF.

2. Weird Al -Another One Rides The Bus
The husband was surfing youtube the other day and ran across this gem.
I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. The accordion + Queen = Win.
I like the intensity.

3. The Landlord.
Is there any other reason to have children? I want to be like Pearl when I grow up.

4. Scott Pilgrim Vs The comment necessary. If you haven't seen it, go rent it, now.

5. Zooey Deschanel ...truly the woman can do no wrong.
Her voice is flawless, and her style is unbelievable. *girl crushing*

Saturday, November 13, 2010

This is the story of a girl....

*the following was originally posted in my "about kg" page. this is my poor attempt at posting without actually putting forth any effort. cut and paste are my bff's.*

I've never been outdoorsy. I grew up dancing ballet and hanging out at the mall.

Dead animals freak me out, especially when they're on the wall.

I don't hunt or fish. I can't eat anything that I've seen while it was still living.

I always imagined I would move to the big city after high school to become a fashion designer or a musician or something.

It all changed when I fell for a boy. And then that boy moved away.

I partied like a rock star 'til I was broke and moved back in with my parents. 

After talking to Dan almost every night for a month, he asked me when I was going to move to Alaska.

Crazy, right?

So, I moved from Central Washington to Nome Alaska in February 2007.

It was my first time flying on an airplane, and my first time living away from my family.

My first night in Alaska was spent in the Anchorage airport.

Good times.

Fast forward 4 years.

We are still in Alaska. We are married, with no kids. We both work full time, and spend our free time, watching movies, playing video games, four-wheeling, enjoying nature and of course blogging.

I'm still not too keen on this whole "living in the middle of nowhere" thing, but we are happy together, and everyday is an adventure.

This is my life in rural Alaska.


Have you ever done something 
that everyone else told you was "crazy"?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

two thumbs up for rumors and harlots.

Back in May I posted here about some funny movies I was excited to see.

I am happy to report I have officially seen all of them. Some in the theater and some on DVD.

I loved them all.

...and of course they were all hilarious!

But my favorite -hands down- was Easy A, which I saw on Saturday.

If you haven't seen it yet, go now.

It's smart, witty and heartfelt. I loved every minute of it.

Emma Stone is amazing. I have a serious girly crush on her.

Whether you see it with your husband/boyfriend, or have a girls night out, 
everyone will enjoy this movie.


ps...Penn Badgley is my new imaginary boyfriend. I wanna lick him.


Thursday, October 14, 2010

The scariest thing I've seen this Halloween. or maybe ever.

First off,
I will give you the link...
(there is no way in hell I'm posting the video on my blog.)
click here to see the scariest commercial EVER!
I had a panic attack just looking up that damn video clip.
Yeah, you're welcome.

I jumped about ten feet in the air when I saw this commercial last night.
I didn't know or care what they were advertising.
However, I know now that I will never EVER buy Bridgestone tires. A**holes.

People think it's funny, but it's not.
It's an effing whale...on land! Wait, not just on land, but in a car!
Dude, a whale could fit in my VAN! Now instead of fearing hobos in my van,
I'm going to be thinking a freakin Orca is waiting for me in the back seat.
This has gone way too far.

Adding lemon juice to a paper cut, 
my roommate decided to play a fun little prank on me today.
I hopped on my husband's PC after work because I was too lazy to find my laptop.
I was just sitting there, all la-la-la happy as a clam,
when suddenly this HUGE close up picture of that bastard Shamu popped up as the wallpaper.
Mouth open and tongue curled, basically ready to bite my head off.

I couldn't get away from that computer fast enough. 
I screamed like an ax murderer was chasing me.
And then I just stood there, my back facing the computer,
peeing my pants laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

Our roommate is finding a new place to live tomorrow.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

in the daylight anywhere feels like home

For the past couple weeks I have been on an emotional roller coaster.

It has been frustrating and uncontrollable.

But I really don't want to talk about that.

I don't want to think about the darkness that is closing in.

Or the air that freezes your nose, and chills your bones.


I just want to wave to the daylight.

Sometimes, something as simple as a song is all you need to lift your spirits.

Now, everybody dance.

(thank you bestie for sharing this song with me. you are always there to make me smile, even when you don't realize it.)

Monday, September 27, 2010

I always hated playing tag on the playground...

but that's because I realized at a young age how much I hate running.
Luckily for me, this game of tag is virtual. which means it's totally legit.

The always adorable Kate from Simply Kate tagged me
and I have to answer the following questions...

1. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Although I have never been a fan of my name, I can't think of a better one.
Maybe a name where my nickname didn't make me sound like a 5 year old,
or that annoying best friend from Full House. She has forever ruined my name.

2. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I do love me some chicken strips, but eggs are a breakfast food,
so I would say the egg came first.
We are talking about food here, right?
the egg definitely came toast. YEAH TOAST!

3. Do you smash the wedding cake in each others faces or not?
Yes. Oh we started all sweet,
but I was like "really? this is lame!"
Unfortunately he has longer arms than me.
sidenote: don't let red velvet cake get on your bueno.

4. If you could play any character in a movie, who would it be and why?
I would be Margaret Tate in The Proposal, because I would get to boss people around,
make out with Ryan "freaking" Reynolds, and sing "get low" while dancing like this!

did I mention Ryan Reynolds?

5. What would your super hero name be?
Dude, I am a superhero.
I wear a shirt under all my clothes that says "KG" on it.

6. There's a monster in your house. Do you go into the attic?
 If I wanted to die I would go into the attic.
Otherwise, I would get my chicken butt outta the dang house. like fast.
Seriously, have you seen Paranormal Activity? *shudder*
(I would have found a picture for this question but I was too afraid to google it.)

7. Would you rather be forced to scream at the top of your lungs for an hour everyday or have earlobes the size of basketballs?
I would much rather scream at the top of my lungs.
At least I'm good at that. And it would give me that smexy raspy voice.
I'm also superficial. Obviously.

8. if you had to eat a crayon, what color would it be?
White, because it has the least amount of coloring that could possibly be nasty tasting.
I am very logic. My only question is why are we eating crayons?
Play-doh tastes WAY better.
Trust me.

Well, now that you've had some insight into my mind 
(it's a scary place, I know.)
Now I get to tag 8 of my favorite bloggers!

1. cutie @ sofa king cutie
2. Kim @ Nomemade
3. Kate @ Simply Kate (you didn't say "no tag backs" bwahahaha!)
4. Elly @ Bugginword
5. Annie @ My Old Sweet Etcetera
6. Sarah @ Sarah Ruth Today
7. Lynn @ The Hicken Family
8. Amcas @ Why Not? Twilight, Rpattz & Me

And here are your questions:
1. You are having dinner with your celebrity crush, who are you with and where?
2. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
3. Has a fortune cookie ever really told you your fortune?
4. When you are at the movies, which arm rest is yours?
5. If you could use one song as a form of torture for your enemies, what song would you choose?
6. What movie do you watch anytime it comes on TV, even though you own the dvd?
7. What was your biggest childhood fear? Does it still scare you?
8. Are you a morning person, or a night owl?



Saturday, September 25, 2010

kg's playlist of awesomeness

I am constantly collecting and discovering new music.
I have a very eclectic taste, and I go through phases where I listen to the same playlist 
until I have memorized the lyrics and basically played them to death.

I wanted to share a few of my latest favorites that are on a continuous loop on my ipod.

What are some of your current favorites?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

dear civilization, i miss a lot.

I am back to the world of dirt roads, 10 dollar gallons of milk, and 4wheelers.

I miss the land of malls and freeways, where Rockstar Energy only cost 2 bones.

Truly, I am poor now.

I bought far too many clothes, and books...
and paid outrageous overweight luggage fees because of it...
do they not realize I live in freaking Alaska? Have some sympathy, people...gosh!

I also gorged myself on Olive Garden and Sonic.
By the way, I'd never been to Sonic and I finally understand why all their commercials take place in the front seat of a car. *facepalm*
I thought they were just being clever...or cheap.

I encountered my first Apple store whilst shopping in Seattle.
It pretty much ninja'd my brain.
They rang up our purchases using an iPod Touch. *brain explodes*
I know that this stuff has probably been around for a while,
but I live in bum-frick-egypt so I feel like I'm time traveling every time I go on vacation.
I'm like Marty McFly and my DeLorian is an Alaska Airlines plane.

We spent a lot of time in the car... more specifically on the freeway.
All I can remember is thinking, "holy effin' eff! all these cars are going so fast...we-are-all-going-to-die!"
*deep breaths*
And that is why my husband doesn't let me drive. We can only handle one panic attack at a time.

Side note: Trusting iPhone GPS is only convenient when you have an overabundance of time at your disposal... you will get to where you are going, but you will be taking the scenic route... and by "scenic" I mean, through construction.

Our first week was spent soaking up the sun and singing "I'm on a boat!" at the lake with the hubby's family.

For our anniversary weekend, we party'd it up in Tacoma at The Monster Ball.

And the last week was spent with my family, BBQ'ing, playing games and watching The Hangover.

Word to the wise, don't play Banana-grams with kg, unless you plan on playing it dirty-word-style.
My mother is so proud.

There is so much more that I couldn't possibly write about now, seeing as I'm still recuperating.
I have a vacation hangover, if you will. And the only cure is another vacation.

Next time...Vegas, baby!

ps...the Sonic blue coconut slushee is bomb!

pss...Lady Gaga in concert rocked my freakin world. Just sayin'.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Kickin' It Old Testament

I teach the 8-11 year old Sunday school class every Sunday.

*pause for effect*

Yes, I teach children about Jesus.

There are no girls in my class, just 3 boys.

This year we are studying The Old Testament....

Lesson: Adam and Eve have children and populate the Earth.

Kid: So what you're saying is, brothers and sisters have babies together?

*cue simultaneous groans and ewws*

Me: *blink blink* Um, yes...

Kids: But how does that-

Me: Hey, you know what...ask your parents!

And that my friends, is how it's done.

Friday, June 11, 2010

i don't read books because if they are any good they'll turn 'em into a mini-series

me: Hey, our library sucks. I'm thinking about doing one of those netflix for books things.

Dan: Is that the Kardashian one? They can't read.

me: What? no, that's Shoedazzle, that's for shoes.

Dan: See, I told you they couldn't read.

me: *blink blink* Seriously I need new books. I'm on the verge of re-reading the ones I already have.

Dan: What about this book? *holds up The Last Song*

me: pfft. I watched the movie, now I don't need to read it. Just like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Oh and The Notebook, and Dear John.

Dan: Whatever. You read and watched Twilight.

me: Umm that's different. Twilight is a freakin' lifestyle.

Dan: That doesn't even makes sense.

me: Your face doesn't make sense.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes!

I have tried several different beverages since I quit soda and energy drinks. I have been drinking tons of water, and flavored waters. And sometimes, I just need a little carbonation. 

Here are some of the beverages I have been loving.

Hansen's Sugar Free Sparkling Water Valencia Orange
Sweetened with Splenda, zero calorie, no caffeine, no Aspartame*, no high fructose corn syrup.
I drink these all the time, and although Splenda tends to give it a slight diet-y after taste,  
I still enjoy this carbonated beverage.

Vitamin Water XXX (triple anti-oxidants)
There are a few flavors I like, but my favorite seems to be XXX.
Containing acai, blueberry, and pomegranate and only 50 calories per serving, no caffeine, no Aspartame*.
I drink this when I'm craving juice, but not wanting the extra calories.

SoBe lifewater Pomegranate Cherry
 I wasn't impressed with the 0 calorie variety, seeing as they have a very diet-y after taste.
However, the normal Lifewater, was pretty good. 40 calories per serving, no caffeine and no Aspartame*.
I usually buy this when its on sale.

Fresca Sparkling Citrus
I feel like I am cheating a little drinking Fresca. It is a zero calorie, non caffeinated beverage.
However, it does contain Aspartame*, which I am not a fan of. Fresca is just as refreshing as it sounds, and I do enjoy it in moderation. Just because its zero calorie, doesn't always mean its good for you.

Crystal Light Fruit Punch
There is always Crystal Light in my house. 
Even though it is sugar free and only 5 calories per serving, it does contain Aspartame*.
I try to limit my Crystal Light consumption because it tends to give me a stomach ache. 

You just can't beat, good ol' watery water.
If it makes me look like Jen, I'll take a year supply thank you very much.

(source: mail online)

Happy Memorial Day, and stay hydrated everyone.

*Aspartame: Aspartame is an artificial sweetener. It is 200 times sweeter than sugar in typical concentrations, without the high energy value of sugar. Because its breakdown products include phenylalanine, aspartame is among the many substances that must be avoided by people with phenylketonuria (PKU), a rare genetic condition.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

High fives all around! {Bloggy Award}

I received my first bloggy award ever from Sarah Ruth @ Sarah Ruth Today
She is so sweet, and I heart her blog. 

For this award I am supposed to list 10 things I love...

My husband, Dan.

My Family
(left to right: my brothers AJ & Joe, Dan, me, my Mom and Dad)

My iPhone
(iPhone, I cannot live in a world where you don't exist.)

The Twilight Saga
(oh my dayum!)

(Zero calorie soda....obviously made from unicorn blood and rainbows.)

(i still wish i was a ballerina)

The Beach
(it looks pretty, but it'll freeze your nads off.)

Pink Laptop
(my prrrrecioussss)

Lady Gaga
(we are super excited to see her in concert in August)

And now to pass along some love to 10 bloggers i heart!

Elly Lou @BugginWord
The Bookworms @Bewitched Bookworms
Lauren @Busy Bee Lauren
Genevieve Le Bel @Celebrate TODAY... The Superchick Way!
Jas @Forever, For Always, And No Matter What
Julie @He Who Laughs Last Didn't Get It
Annie @my sweet old etcetera
Kate @Simply Kate
Tasha @Something Less Productive
Natalie @The Bobby Pin

Saturday, May 22, 2010

You know its funny when you piddle your pants.

I love movies. I love going to the theater and buying a big ol' bag of popcorn that should take me a week to eat, but is gone before the previews are over. I love renting movies, and curling up on the couch in my pj's. I will watch a movie on TV even if I already own it, because I like it that much. I mean, who doesn't love movies?
I love a good laugh, and there are some hilarious looking movies coming out soon, along with some great casts.

Here are 5 movies I am excited to see....

Easy A ...I have a total girl crush on Emma Stone. I am sad I have to wait til September to see this.

The Other Guys about an all star cast. Looks hilarious.

Get Him To The Greek ....These guys are a riot!

Grown Ups sides hurt from laughing just watching the preview.

Killers ....I heart Ashton Kutcher, what can I say?

What movies are you excited to see?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

You know that diet I've been on? Yeah, that all went to hell when I made these cookies.

Domestic diva time!

Over the weekend my buddy ol' pal L and I skipped the gym and decided it was cookie time.

What kind of cookies, you ask?

Oh, the kind you make with the random cake mix you have in your pantry for no apparent reason, because your husband doesn't even like cake, so you go through the recipe box your mother in law made for you and find the perfect recipe you can use with items you already have in your kitchen. No grocery store run needed.

That kind.
Its like it was destiny or something.
Also known as

Cool Whip Cake Cookies
1 pkg. cake mix (some flavors are better than others)
1 c. Cool Whip
1 lg. egg
Powdered sugar
Mix all ingredients, except the powdered sugar, with mixer. Roll spoonful of dough in powdered sugar. Place on cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes.

We documented all the shenanigans...

please ignore the I'm-about-to-go-into-labor maternity tank top I am wearing.
When you are making and subsequently devouring cake cookies, you gotta have room for that foodbaby.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

If I get any fatter the Natives may mistake me for a whale.

And that is why I am on a diet.

Because I don't want to get harpooned.

That would suck.

Oh and because of zombies.

But more because I don't want a bunch of Native Alaskans to mistake me for a beached whale and try to take me back to their island to feed their entire village.

Can you imagine?



I quit all caffeine and all sodas. *collective interweb gasp*

I've pretty much been a homicidal maniac for the past 3 weeks.

But I'm actually feeling pretty good.

What I don't understand is why it has taken me so long to do it.

I'm actually kind of pissed at myself.

I've let this get way out of hand and I didn't realize it till I started seeing pictures of myself.

Between the weight gain caused by competitive eating a.k.a marriage and just straight up eating whatever I want because I want it and can afford it, I've easily gained 25 pounds since I moved to Alaska.

And no, my extra fat does not keep me warm like a walrus on cold winter nights.

Although, my husband would disagree.

I'm like a human heat blanket.

Obviously that is why he married me.

Also, why is it that healthy food is always so expensive, and junk food is cheap?
I mean, everything here is expensive, but produce tends to be on the verge of death by time it gets here,
and I am a sucker for anything microwavable or covered in powdered cheese.

I seriously ate half a bag of cheetos for dinner Sunday night.


In other words...
I will be at the gym, starving to death and hiding from the harpoons.

...that pretty much sums it up, folks.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I remember when myspace and facebook were all drunken snapshots and emo bangs.

Now all I see are babies, preggo bellies and engagement rings.

Are my friends getting old?

The answer is yes.


Because, I'm still sixteen ...okay maybe seventeen.
I have had my license for almost a year now. <---truth.
(fine physically I am 24 but mentally I am still 16.)

I even have the infamous hold-your-cameraphone-above-your-head-and-look-up-while-standing-in-the-bathroom-emo-myspaceyourface picture on my profile. I may or may not be wearing an Edward Cullen tshirt in said photo.

I'm still posing like an emo, while everyone else on FB is either pregnant or has just given birth like ten seconds ago (according to their status update).

To be honest...
It's starting to confuse me.

How am I supposed to know who's "totally bored at work" or who's "going to the beach" when my live feed looks like I've been friend requesting newborn babies?

I don't think those babies are taking themselves down to the beach for a crawl in the sand, nor are they at the office hanging out in highchairs with their Blackberries.

Seriously guys...

I can't tell any of you apart.

I know what you are saying,

"Their names are right next to their pictures, duh."

You think I read? Ha!

I don't. I'm not even typing this, I have a chimpanzee who transcribes everything for me.

I look at the pictures, thats what they're there for. duh.

But no, now I gotta pay extra close attention to see who's baby bump that is.

Why you gotta make my life harder?

My chimpanzee types 100 words per minute, but it can't use a mouse for sh*t. 

I'm sorry your adorably scrunchy faced baby doesn't look enough like you for me to know its you.

Don't get me wrong, I want to look at your child's pictures. I will look at every last one of them, and then not comment. Cause, I am that person.

My point is: I'm not friends with your kids, I'm friends with you.

And maybe someday I'll meet your kidlet before it goes to college. But I'm not promising anything.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I should be working for NASA, or National Geographic.

What I am about to show you is basically the biggest scientific discovery since Pluto was demoted to star status.


Dear Pluto,
You will always be
a planet in my heart.
Love, Me

Anywhoozle <----yes, that is straight up science lingo.

This is a MuskOx...
They live here in Alaska.
We are like neighbors.

These are Banthas...
...from Star Wars.
They live on Tatooine...aka Alaska post-Global Warming.

I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that means that Star Wars is based on real life.

Monday, April 19, 2010

So long Winter, thanks for all the snow.

FINALLY! The snow is melting.

I thought Winter was never going to end, seeing as the last week or two we've been having crazy blowing snow and blizzard conditions.

 (this was in my work parking lot)

Now I am living in a giant Slurpee full of dirty and gravel.

mmmmmmm Slurpee.

(you can't tell but that tire track is like 5 inches deep)

Anyways, if I have to live in a slushee for a week or two in order to get some green up in here, I think I can handle it.

You don't realize how much you miss green and even brown, when all you've seen is white for 7 months.

Since the sun rises at -I don't what time, cause its up before I am- and stays out til' well after 11pm, it's really starting to warm up... and by warm up I mean it was 42 degrees out yesterday and Dan was wearing shorts.

Last night we went to a friends house and instead of hopping in the rickety van, we grabbed our helmets and hopped on the four-wheeler.

It's nice when you don't have to dress like you're going on an arctic expedition just to go outside.

In fact, it even makes Nome seem a little tiny bit normal. If you consider driving a four-wheeler around town "normal".

We really didn't go outside much this Winter.

Cable and Netflix will do that to ya.

Dan did go on a few snowmobile rides...

and I, well, I stayed inside. Like all Winter.

Can we say "Cabin Fever"?

Now I am super excited about going outside,

but I don't want to go anywhere out in the country...

because I hate peeing outside.

However, I do like going to the beach and putting my feet in the sand...

oooh yeah...I'm just gonna pretend that I'm on a tropical island. heh.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Raise your hand if you forgot to be an adult today....

*raises hand*

What has two thumbs, and forgot to apply for the PFD?

I know! Who the F forgets to sign up for free money?!

this guy, I already told you.

That's right. My second year eligible to get a permanent fund dividend aka free freaking money for Alaskans,
and I missed the deadline.

My husband didn't.

But I did.

Because sometimes I forget I am an adult.

Did my husband remind me to apply?


And what did I tell him?

"Duh. I already applied, I'm not retarded."

and then I started thinking. Maybe I didn't.

I couldn't remember.

I vividly remember doing the online application last year.

So on April 6th I got this nagging feeling that I should check online to see.

What did I find?

 and the deadline was March 31st.

I cried.

And then, I cried harder.

Cause then I had to tell Dan.

It was almost as scary as that time I hit his snowmobile with the truck, and he was like "You're the one who broke it? I knew someone hit it!" and I was like, "Dude, No. I just hit it like 20 minutes ago, you haven't even see it yet. You're not clairvoyant." 

But not as scary as the day before my birthday when I hit his coworkers truck with the van.
While I was parking. ....Go me.

Or like the time I forgot to send in the reimbursement form for my insurance, so my credit card ended up paying my eye doctor bills.

Oh right, still haven't told him that. whoops.

Srsly, this man has some incredible patience with me. With every situation he has stayed calm and let me know that it was all gonna be okay. Except for the insurance thing, cause I still haven't told him.

Really. Who put me in charge of all these important grown up thingys??

*head desk*

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cardio. Just in time for the Apocalypse.

After my last exercise post
I realized I really need to get in to shape.
Basically because I am afraid of Zombies.

I don't wanna be that dude...yea the fat dude with the fro. 
Please. No.

I hate running.
Hell, I don't even really like walking but some of us can't afford
that Segway dealy-o and let's face it, the Segway is so un-cool.
I don't care how environmentally friendly it is.
It's for freakin nerds.
I digress.

I refuse to run on treadmills.
Treadmills hurt my boobs...
That's right, my boobies.
Because it doesn't matter how many sports bras I am wearing,
my girls are straight up not built for running.
I'm not sure duct tape could even help with this kind of technical difficulty.

So I am all about the Elliptical.

 I have been trying to go to the gym on a more consistent basis.
I work out on the Elliptical for 30-45minutes.
And then I work on some strength training and ab stuff...
yadda yadda yadda...

My question is:
Is this Elliptical going to help me escape a possible Zombies apocalypse?
I mean, are they chasing me up a hill?
Are we running up a flight of stairs?
and if so, where do these stairs lead?
They better be leading me into a freaking plane
so I can fly the H outta crazy-zombie-town.

Seriously. Things that make you go...

Friday, March 19, 2010

Iditarod: The Mardi Gras of the North

The hotels are crowded and the streets are filling up...and by filling up I mean getting drunk.
They've dumped all the snow the road crews have worked so hard to clear all winter, right in the middle of Front Street.

Idita-whaaat 2007
[chipmunk face for the win....not.]

That's right, its Iditarod time. Or as I like to call it Idita-wheredidallthesepeoplecomefrom.

I received our handy-dandy Iditarod Events Calendar in the mail. woohoo *insert sarcasm*

I mean, really. What better way to celebrate a dog sled race than with wet t-shirt contests and drunken karaoke!?

Gosh I love Nome....we are totes classy.

There's also Beer Tasting, a Husky Hoe Down, Safe Sex Party, Make Your Own Bikini, and a bunch of other lame-tastical events you will eventually file under "Things I Regret" and/or "Things My Jackass Friends Shouldn't Let Me Do".

I know, right? To be honest, the Iditarod is only cool the first time you see it....unless you really love dog sled racing, then I'm guessing its the bee's knees. But, for most of us who live here in Nome, it turns out to be more of an excuse for the drunks to get drunkier. And let me tell you, they were plenty drunk before.

Also, there are way too many people in the Post Office.

Most Iditarod "events" are sponsored by one of the bazillion bars we have or by a church that is just trying to even things out. yea, good luck with that. I have yet to attend any Idita-parties, wet t-shirt contests, or beer tastings. and I don't plan on it.

However, I did drag my butt down to Front Street to video tape (for your viewing pleasure) the winner, Lance Mackey, hitting the finish line. Please enjoy the shotty camera work, editing, and lack of visuals due to my being "vertically challenged". I should have just taped it from the safety of my office balcony. Crowds are so overratted.

No video? Your computer must totally suck.

Psych! I am just totally lame-o and haven't uploaded it.

(Your computer probably doesn't suck.)

Oh that reminds me... I am so excited for that siren to go off in the middle of the night.  Ode to joy.

Go Iditarod!

ps...I will never have a job in tourism. Can you tell?

pps...Dog Sled Racing is crazy awesome...emphasis on the crazy! Go Mushers!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for your opinion...aka I'm an adult, you can't tell me what to do...aka Back the eff off....aka This is a really long and mean post title.

Some people. The nerve. Really. I mean, really?!

The other day I had a guy come in my office for some super secret printouts. While he was waiting for my thumbprint/retina scan/voice recognition clearance to approve, he spied the sweet delicious nectar innocently sitting on my desk. And the next thing I know, I am getting lectured by some punkass kid about how bad my can of Rockstar Energy is. This is how it went down...

Ridiculous Guy:  "Those things are SO bad for you, they make people look old. Like they age people."

Dude, I look 12, how is this supposed to convince me to not drink them?

Me: *blank stare*

Ridiculous Guy: "Yea, there is an ingredient that they out lawed in Canada. You should drink Red Bull. Red Bull doesn't have that ingredient so its better for you."

Me: *eye twitch*

Are you frackin' kidding me? Who are you? Do you own stock in Red Bull? Get out of my office before I stab you in the face!

Ridiculous Guy: "I just thought you'd like to know, since you're a girl and girls worry about that stuff."

what the H!?
He seriously rambled on and on for a good 6 minutes and 37 seconds. Another 7 seconds and the switchblade in my sock would have made friends with his eyeballs.

What's interesting, is that's not the first time this has happened to me.

I drop by the gas station/convienence store/crack dealer most mornings and grab an energy drink before I head to work.

So one morning, the girl behind the counter decides she is going to do her "good deed" for the day, and inform me -a customer...who is giving her money- that "those are really bad for you".

Oh my gosh! Thank you for telling me! I almost spent my hard earned money is this here store, the store that pay you to sell people stuff. I apologize. Excuse me while I round house kick you in the face!
Just sell me the can of crack, and shut your face hole.

If I bought a pack of cigrettes would you turn into one of those Truth commercials and tell me how evil tobacco companies are and how I'm going to die a slow miserable death?

No. Because thats not your freaking job. Your job is to smile and sell me stuff.

Scan it, bag it, and shut it.

[note: I don't smoke. You can breathe easy, I know you were worried.]

So what gives complete strangers the right to dole out health advice to innocent unsuspecting people that carry weapons in their socks?

I mean, at least my friends have moved on from the initial "Dude, those things will kill ya." to just planning my funeral.

Dust In The Wind, people.

My last request.

Play it and I will be one happy corpse.

I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I say "yes" to hugs and "no" to drugs. So just cool it people. I read the warning labels...I'm not a child, I'm not pregnant, I'm definitely not nursing, and I'm obviously not sensitive to caffeine. Let me have my carbonated drink of happiness!

Now go watch Intervention and see what real addiction is.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Phallainophobia...I'm not making this up.

I have a irrational fear of Whales.

Its a straight up phobia, I tell you.
One that is totally recognized by psychologists. So its totally legit.

(I don't even know how to pronounce that, but in my mind, it sounds kinda dirty)

How do I know this?

Our roommate googled it.

I mean, I wasn't going to google it. I'm not stupid. Google shows pictures... pictures of Whales! Why would I subject myself to something I know will cause me to see pictures of whales. ((shudder))
Thats one of the things I am afraid of!

I can't look at pictures, cartoons, video footage, anything that has whales... Whale tail? No freakin thank you. Whale bones? EWW! They give me the willies!! (pun totally intended)

So our roommate wanted to test this theory by finding picturess of whales on the internet and then tricking me into looking at them. How freakin evil is that?

How did my evil roommate find out, you ask?

It all started when we were watching Hot Fuzz.

Have you seen Hot Fuzz?

Yea, neither have I, cause I turned that shizz off. But before I realized the evil that is Hot Fuzz, I was subjected to a scene involving a beached whale. I screamed, I'll admit it. Come on, it was a whale...on land! Its like they are coming to get me!

That reminds me. What was that one movie with Will Smith where he throws the beached whale back into the ocean? That's right, I don't know, because I refuse to watch it, seeing as that was the part they decided to show in the previews. Smooth move, preview maker dudes. 

I could go on and on about all the movies and tv shows that I refuse to watch because of whales. Like, the Planet Earth movie. Everyone says its such an amazing movie....blah blah blah. Well, I won't be seeing it, because there is a whale on the dvd cover, and thats like a big ol' warning sign that says, "Whales Ahead, Turn Back Now"
So what is it about whales that gives me the chillies up my spine and nightmares?

Maybe its because they are gigantic and they live in the ocean, and they are gross, and they could swallow me whole, and they have barnacles and its just ((shudder)) so nasty! And I don't discriminate, I hate all whales equally. Shamu can suck it. I hate Free Willy, being all creepy in the darkness of the auquarium just waiting for that kid to see him ..gah! The whales in Happy Feet make me wanna cry, how dare they attack my precious penguins! Ponocchio was swallowed by an evil whale, Jonah was too. I don't care what you say, I will always feel this way. I hate it when they jump out of the water and come crashing back down in a "this is how I could crush you" sort of way, I don't wanna see their stupid whale tails splashing around. Their nasty blow holes blowing snot all over people. It's disgusting, they should be embarrassed.

Living in Alaska has made this fear worse. There are pictures and artwork everywhere... bones, baleen, beached whales! I'm telling you, they are coming for me!
My husband goes crabbing out on the sea ice, and I refuse to go, because I saw that little video on the internet of the Eskimo that gets eaten by a whale, while ice fishing. No freakin' way am I going out there when there's whales under the ice waiting to attack the moment you stand over them!
(calm down, I know its fake, but it still scares the shizz out of me)\

So there you have it. My greatest fear. Whales. Scarier than clowns, spiders, darkness, zombies, and sharks.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Childhood Icons {Barbra Streisand}

I grew up listening to Barbra Streisand.
My mother would play her albums constantly,
believe me I am not complaining...
I loved it.
I remember listening to my mom sing along with every song,
and soon enough I knew every songs too.
Streisand is not only one of the most magnificent voices of all time,
but one of my fondest childhood memories with my mom.

(me, doing my best "Barbra")

I owe a lot of my musical influences to my mom.
Not only did she introduce me to Streisand, but also
Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Judy Garland, and even Queen.
Among others.

One of my favorite things to do
is watch her early performances.
She has this extraordinary passion when she sings.

Here are a few of my favorites found on youtube.

Goosebumps every time.

Mom and I used to sing this duet around the house, all the time...

We had this album on tape...
I'm surprised I never wore that poor little tape out.
This was my favorite song.

A Star is Born...fantastic movie! And Barbra is rockin that afro!

{We totally could have been the greatest thing since The Judds. just sayin.}