Sunday, December 13, 2009

I don't wanna be bear food {Part I}

WewannabuyahouseinNomeohmahgawdthisisgonnasuck.

This is what I am thinking.

Apparently being eternal renters, who never have to fix broken appliances, or frozen pipes, or pay for cable, or paint the walls, is a bad thing. Who knew?

Truly, I am fighting a losing battle here.

I realize my argument against buying a house is fueled by my paralyzing fear of living in Nome Alaska for forever. Because, as you all know: Once you buy a house somewhere, you can never leave! I mean when I hear the words "25 year mortgage" my throat closes up, and my heart constricts in my chest and I get an all out panic attack.

.....someone hand me a paper bag while I put my head between my knees. Thanks.

I know that is a bit irrational seeing as people sell houses all the time, but buying a house is a big freaking deal. There's paper work and inspections, credit checks and anal probes. I mean, this is serious business. Serious, grown up -dare I say- adult business. Who in their right mind would categorize me as a grown up? I still haven't decided what I wanna be when I grow up! I've still got high hopes for either a ballerina or a country singer.

I digress.

So here we are, discussing buying a house.

In Nome.

And we are looking at the listings...

Do you know how much houses cost?!? Holy crap, why don't I just hand over my first born child, and sacrifice a baby goat or... twelve. Sheesh!

Anyways, so Dan has made it clear that we are probably not buying any of these houses we've checked out, cause lets face it, we don't even know if our credit is grown up enough to buy a stinking overpriced ice shanty. So we are just looking. And this could be a good thing, I think.

Because...
This is our time to figure out what we can and cannot live without. I say "without" because I can live with a lot, but I can't live without much.

My poor husband wishes I was an outdoorsy, hiking, camping, loves to pee outside, rifle toting woman. When in reality, I am an E! News watching, online shopping, only sleeps and pee's indoors, city girl.

He knows this. This isn't new.

I also don't consider myself high maintenance. Give me my iPhone, straighting iron, a toilet, and a pantry full of cheetos, and I am pretty much content.

Seriously, It doesn't take much to keep me happy.

But when we start talking about houses with no shower, or cell phone service, surrounded by bears and moose...THAT right there is when we've crossed the line of acceptable living.

Dan says, "That's why we have guns."
Excuse me, I don't shoot animals, Dan.
I only shoot people. Duh.

I mean, really? What is this The Little House On The Prairie?
What's next? Make the kids a ball out of a pigs bladder?
No freakin' thank you!



Dear Loving Husband,
I know that you think I am brave because
I moved all the way to Nome Alaska, but I am not,
that was just straight up foolishness...foolishness!
Love, Me.

3 comments:

  1. I have a paper bag for you, breathe in, breathe out. You will be okay. And if you ever need any where to escape to let me know:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ick. Like living in the land of cold isn't enough? You're going to throw in wild animals, too? You are brave and I send you many virtual cheetos of support.

    ReplyDelete

Leave me a comment, or the Polar Bears will get you...